The Spice Girls Performed Onstage Together and the Universe Didn't Implode [Olympics]

Aug 12, 2012 8:45 PM  

Well, the Olympics are over and now all that's standing between you and another bittersweet Labor Day weekend is "Shark Week," and maybe a few hurricane scares along the Gulf Coast. Since "Shark Week" will be the same thing every year until James Cameron finally send his submersible deep into the Mariana Trench to accidentally awaken Megalodon, there's really no reason into deluding yourself that summer isn't already over. At least you (maybe) watched the Spice Girls ride onto a giant stage in their own personalized Mini Coopers and remember a simpler time long ago when the end of summer merely meant returning to school and seeing all the little marks of maturity that summer left on your classmates.

See the Spice Girls' Gaudy Performance [Buzzfeed]

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American Women Greedily Win All the Gold Medals at the London Olympics [Olympics]

In case you haven't heard yet because you're one of those New York City tunnel dwellers or you're exclusively a Winter Olympics person, the U.S. women's teams at this summer's games have cleaned up, accounting for 56 percent of all Team USA's medals, and 66 percent of its golds. Their success is being touted as a big step towards even greater gender equality in sports, and, what's more, they've succeeded in sports traditionally dominated by men, such as boxing, an event the U.S. men, for the first time ever, failed to medal in.

Athletes and coaches credit the success of the American women to the Title IX, which, since its passage forty years ago, has dramatically expanded the pool of female athletic talent in the States. At the 1972 Munich Olympics, for instance, women accounted for less than 24 percent of of the U.S. team's total medals, but in 1992 at the Barcelona games, that figure had nearly doubled to 41 percent. With more young girls playing sports in high school, then later becoming college athletes, coaches and trainers have a larger group of athletes to work with.

Though women from other countries haven't experienced quite the same success as the U.S. women, the London Olympics have marked the first time ever that every country has sent a female contingent, thanks in part to the IOC putting pressure on holdouts like Qatar, Brunei and Saudi Arabia. China and Russia have also seen their medal counts boosted by the performances of their female athletes, a fact that helps foster more intense competition in women's sports among some of the larger Olympic nations.

Some athletes worry that there's still too much attention paid to how female athletes (especially the beach volleyball players) look, but Women's Sports Foundation CEO Kathryn Olson sees a whole generation of role models in our current litany of female medalists, something she thinks will inspire a whole new generation of budding female Olympians.

It's a golden age for American women at London Olympics [LA Times]

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Sunday Sign-Off: Say Goodbye to the Olympics with the Spice Girls [Video]

Aug 12, 2012 6:30 PM  

The Spice Girls have been reassembled like a singing, sort-of dancing Voltron, the better to help us all bring some closure to the Olympics.

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The Olympics Showcase Diverse Body Types, Body Snarking [Olympics]

For two weeks, the Olympics present the viewing public with a diverse range female body types, many of which will remain unrepresented in future advertising campaigns. Women who compete in the games, argues Time's Sonia Van Gilder Cooke, provide a counterbalance to all those glossy, airbrushed photos of magazine cover models and actresses who offer only a single, unrealistic physical standard.

Though women in the Olympics are creepily objectified, they also help expand the public's idea of the many shapes women's bodies can have. According to Jo Swinson, a British Member of Parliament and founding member of the U.K. Campaign for Body Confidence, the Olympics are "one of the times we actually get to see women without makeup on on television." Swinson believes that, because athletes spend years honing their bodies to perform a single, highly specific task, there's an "honesty" about their bodies that most celebrities, by contrast, do not demonstrate. That's because female Olympians are trying to win competitions, while celebrities and models are essentially helping create the illusion of a certain kind of physical perfection in order to sell something.

Still, the Time piece opens with an investment banker taking his friends to a women's beach volleyball match simply because the volleyball players are wearing bikinis. And even though the Olympics showcases the diversity of the female form, it also presents body snarkers with an opportunity to judge female athletes on their physical proximity to the cover model aesthetic. That's part of the reason why NBC's "Bodies in Motion" video features volleyball, field hockey, and track and field athletes prominently, and why there's nary a female bodybuilder in sight.

Though certain male body types (the swimmers and divers, let's just say) are ogled and idealized, male shot putters, weightlifter, or basketball players aren't subjected to the same snarking as their female counterparts. British weightlifter Zoe Smith, for example, fought back against Twitter criticism that she looked like a "bloke," which is just a Britishism for "bro." British swimmer and four-time Olympic gold medalist Rebecca Adlington showed the world how cruel strangers can be when she retweeted something sent to her in June: "You belong in that pool you f— whale." Australian swimmer Leisel Jones also became the subject of a terrible "fat or not" newspaper poll that, thankfully, readers took for the mean and stupid editorial decision it was.

Female athletes lose out in the endorsement race that follows the games because, according to Phillippa Diedrichs, a senior research fellow at the Centre for Appearance Research at the University of the West of England, scoring endorsement deals "becomes very much about [athletes'] bodies and their appearance and their being shown to be attractive as opposed to what their bodies can do." As women's sports gain popularity among spectators (the U.S. women's track and field team, for instance, did waaaaaaay better than the men), that endorsement disparity between male and female athletes may start to change, which would go a long way, in turn, toward helping change the prevailing advertising industry's aesthetic preference for impossibly thin (and exceedingly airbrushed) women.

For Olympics Women, the Pressure to Look Perfect Lingers [Time]

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Let's Celebrate the World's Athletes with an Olympic Gif Party [Olympics]

The London Olympics are wrapping up on Sunday, after 16 days of competition, crying during national anthems, and ill-conceived grill flashing. Let's relive some of the game's most memorable moments with the artistic medium du jour, the gif.

(The one of Serena, above, comes from our brothers at Deadspin.)

On July 27th — we were all so innocent then — the XXX Olympiad kicked off in London with an Opening Ceremony fit for a parachuting, Bond Girl Queen. We had no idea the giffable treats that awaited us during the days ahead, but everyone was very, very excited.

Unfortunately, one of the first memorable moments of the games was noteworthy in its suckiness — South Korean fencer Shin A-Lam lost a berth in the gold medal match to German Britta Heidemann after officials added time to the clock. Because of fencing rules, Shin had to remain on the piste, where she cried in front of a crowd of 8,000 people while the judges considered her coach's appeal, which was eventually rejected. Shin refused to leave and had to be escorted from the arena by security in one of the most controversial moments in the history of modern fencing.

The US Women's Gymnastics team kicked some serious ass in London, decisively defeating Russia for the team gold medal. Two nights later, American Gabby Douglas became the first African-American woman to win the individual all-around gold medal, and the first American woman ever to win both team and individual gold in the Olympics. But just because Olympic gymnasts are serious competitors doesn't mean they're not good sports. Here's Russia's fierce Aliya Mustafina and America's Aly Raisman, rivals in competition, congratulating each other during event finals. The thumbs up from Mustafina kills me dead, you guys.

Image via

These games marked the first time women were allowed to compete in Olympic boxing, and, despite what some dudes who don't like ladies getting sweaty and hitting each other said, the sport's debut was a rousing success. Ireland's Katie Taylor made her countrymen ecstatic with her victory in the 60kg lightweight division (that's not hyperbole — check out this video of the enormous crowd gathered in her hometown reacting to her victory). But my favorite moment of women's boxing was watching American Claressa Shields losing her shit as she received her gold medal for the middleweight division.

On the track the UK's Mo Farah became Britain's first ever gold medalist in the 10,000 meter event, racing one of the most thrilling 25 laps of dudes running at an alarming speed a person could hope to witness. Farah trains in the US with partner Galen Rupp, and the two faced a deep, talented field of distance runners determined to keep the pair off the podium. But their efforts to block Farah and Rupp were unsuccessful; and the pair finished 1-2. Farah's reaction to crossing the finish line, with Rupp in the background, is enough to soften even the hardest, blackest, most Olympic-hating heart.

Meanwhile, swimming and diving.

The US women's soccer team lost a nailbiter to Japan in the finale of last year's Women's World Cup. This time around, thanks to hard work, an incredible last second goal by Alex Morgan in the semifinal versus Canada and a little OLYMPIC MAGIC, the team found itself once again facing Japan in the finals. And the team's resident Jedi Hope Solo delivered, big time. Gold medal! USA! USA! USA!

America's runners did their country proud, with veteran Allyson Felix finally winning her first Olympic gold in the 200 meter event. But the Americans also captured 2 medals in the 200, the 400, the 100 meter hurdles, and the long jump. Other female runners kicked ass in London as well —Ethiopia's Tiki Gelana finished the marathon in a blazing 2:23:07, setting an Olympic record. Russian women took home gold medals in the steeplechase, 400 meter hurdles, and hammerthrow. And — spoiler alert, Team America fans — just this afternoon, the US Women's 4X100 meter relay team shattered a 27-year-old world record when the fantastic foursome of Allyson Felix, Tianna Madison, Bianca Knight and Carmelita Jeter finished the race in only 40.82 seconds. The second place Jamaican sprinters (Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce, Sherone Simpson, Veronica Campbell-Brown and Kerron Stewart) finished in 41.41, a national record. The third place Ukrainians also broke their national women's record, which means that men are now officially over.

So now, it's almost time to wrap things up in London and rev things up in Rio, the site of the 2016 games. Pause for a second and think about what age you'll be when those happen. Your life is ebbing away in 4 year chunks, drop by Olympian drop. And NBC's Olympic fanfare theme music begins playing ominously in your head.

Anyway, here's hoping that when Rio takes the reins, they handle it at least as well as the Brits did. Because watching a poorly organized sporting event is a lot like watching a poorly executed dive.

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Fifty Strokes of Gay: The Wonderfully Weird World of Filthy Olympic Swimming Fanfiction [Olympics]

If you can dream it, someone has written dirty fanfiction about it. There's sexy fanfiction about everything imaginable — from Thomas the Tank Engine to RENT to Rainbow Brite. Years ago, I followed a blog called World Cup Sexual Frustration, which alternated between posting pictures of soccer players, which is what drew me in the first place, and posting elaborate, graphic, hilariously bad fanfiction about sexual encounters with one or more internationally famous footballers, which is why I kept coming back (one particularly memorable piece detailed one daring flight attendant's orgy with the entire Spanish soccer team at 30,000 feet. One situation where it was okay for soccer players to use their hands! Cue canned 90's sitcom WOOOOO noise!). It should come as no surprise, then, that the XXX (heh) Olympic games, and specifically Olympic swimming, have inspired the pens and libidos of thousands of lusty fans who would just love to watch Olympic swimmers screw each others' brains out. If you've ever morbidly wondered what sorts of depraved thoughts lurk in the pool of the human mind, there's no time like the present to dive in to the world of the awesomely awful, and awfully awesome world of Olympic swimming and diving fanfiction. It might just be the next Fifty Shades of Grey.

In The Lies They Say, follow the journey of Ryan Lochte as he breaks free from the clutches of his evil, angry dad, helped by one very special 19-time Olympic medalist.

"Stop whining." Steven raises his hand to slap Ryan again, but the slap never comes. There's another hand, a familiar hand, wrapped tightly around Steven's wrist, holding it back. Steven's other hand lets go of Ryan and Ryan struggles to stay standing, pressing against the lockers and watching in shock as Michael turns Steven around to face him. Michael looks angrier, scarier, much more dangerous than Steven has ever looked.

"Don't," Michael speaks, low and slow, enunciating every word. "Lay another hand on him."

"Phelps." Steven nods, trying to pull his wrist out of Michael's grip, but Michael doesn't let go. "This is between me and my son."

"You have no right to call him that."

"Stay out of this."

"No."

Eventually, Mike Edward Cullens the evil elder Lochte from the locker room, and soon the two are making sweet, sweet, locker room sex. Complete with postcoital expressions of love.

Ryan stops. His whole world is spinning and he holds out a hand to keep himself steady. Michael is there, instantly, grabbing his hand and bringing it to his lips, kissing the center of his palm with so much tenderness that Ryan can't find the words to argue.

"Yeah," Michael smiles. "I love you. I have, for a very long time."

"You can't." Ryan shakes his head. "You're wonderful and I'm- I'm not. I'm not worth it."

Michael gives him a sad little smile. "You're worth it, Ry. You're worth everything, and it's killing me that you don't see that." He takes Ryan in his arms again and Ryan goes, half-willingly and half because he's too confused to fight it. "I can't believe I never saw it before," Michael whispers, shaking his head against Ryan's. "I'm sorry I didn't stop this before now. I'm sorry."

And they lived fappily ever after.

Just to break things up a little from the fictional Lochte/Phelps lovefest, here's a selection of fictional stories about Tom Daley. The British diver is a chiseled teen with a hairless boy band face and a heartstring-strumming backstory. Naturally, everyone wants to fuck his fictional doppelganger. A sexy girl diver named Jacqueline does.

And lo and behold, in front of us was none other than Tom Daley. Oh wow. Now I fully understood why someone would have wet dreams over this guy. We had men in the South African diving team but damn no one came close, Tom is fit. I couldn't help but let my eyes trail over the contours of his body. His broad shoulders, strong arms and defined abdomen made me feel excruciatingly uncomfortable standing in front of him in my swimsuit. And I loved showing off my body. Hell I'd be naked like 75% of the time if I could. But that was beside the point-after trailing my eyes over the rest of him and I mean the rest of him, I quickly averted my attention to his face.

He had warm pools of dark brown eyes and an arrogant smirk was etched on his face. He had short, cropped hair that would be perfect for running your hand through when he would-"Do you like what you see, love?" He said.

In this bit of fanfiction called "Surface Cracks," Daley dives his way into the hearts of multiple members of British boy One Direction, another popular subject of fanfiction:

With all the people having imagination sex with him, it's a wonder poor Tom Daley has time to do any actual diving.
When he got back with the rest of the team, nothing had changed, except the thunder was a tad bit softer. Harry began to smother his hands with chalk dust when all chatter ceased. Liam turned away, his face bright red, and Zayn began laughing. Louis wolf-whistled. "What's so funny you gu-" he stopped mid-question as he spun around, seeing a fully nude Tom in front of him. He clapped a hand over his mouth, a whole world of emotions flooding through him.

Tom grinned and playfully winked at him. "Like what you see?" he teased as he rotated fully around.

Fiction Tom, you little minx.

In Paint, Ryan and Michael are a nesting gay couple in the middle of gut rehabbing their home.

Michael smiled and said, "Yes I did, but I think I missed a spot..."

Ryan looked around and saw no problems, the room looked perfect. "Where did you miss a spot? Ryan asked.

Michael kicked over the paint can and said, "There."

Ryan's jaw dropped as the paint got all over the old sheets that Michael had put on the floor and Michael leaned in for a kiss.

Ryan kissed him as Michael pinned him to the ground and said, "I just wanna do you in the paint..."

Ryan smiled and said, "Maybe I do like this surprise..."

Ryan rolled over so he was on top of Michael. Ryan kissed him and rubbed his hands in the paint and stroked Michael's face.

Michael rolled Ryan back over and rubbed paint into Ryan's hair, as he caught his boyfriend in a kiss.

Hope that paint was nontoxic, or at least washable, because I can't imagine the agony of trying to scrub dried paint off a scrotum.

At first, Michael's like, ugh this guy, and then they sort of start becoming friends. Ryan is a rock n' roll free spirit with a 'tude and Michael's a nose-to-the-grindstone nerdy swimming star. A match made in fanfic heaven.

The next morning in class Ryan's rolling a skateboard under his feet. He's in the same chair he picked yesterday, and Michael's not about to break from tradition by sitting somewhere else, so he takes his usual place too, which now apparently comes with a bonus Ryan Lochte on the side.

It's still too early to know exactly how he feels about that.

Today Ryan's wearing a t-shirt that says does your face hurt? cuz it's killing me and he looks at Michael seriously when he sits down and says, "Skateboard," like he's talking to a grade-schooler.

"Shut up," says Michael again.

Ryan grins hugely. "Don't be like that, baby. If you're nice I might even teach you how to use it," he says.

"I'm always nice," says Michael. "I don't really want to skate though."

"Then shit, man, I don't know if we can be friends anymore." Ryan shakes his head.

"We're friends?" says Michael. He means it to come out kind of…scathing, but mostly it just sounds curious.

"Jeah," says Ryan, nudging the board across the aisle and under Michael's desk.

But soon, their relationship turns blow jobby. The word "dick" appears 19 times. "Cock" appears 5 times. It's not for kids.

London Olympic swimming fanfiction seems to focus on what sort of depraved things people's imaginations have made Ryan Lochte do, but before London, it seems like Michael Phelps was the preferred muse of the slash writer. In Michael Phelps, Bedhopper, the most decorated Olympian in history plays Donkey Kong with former US teammate Aaron Piersol — SEXY Donkey Kong.

Michael pops a boner and simultaneously makes Donkey Kong jump off a cliff. "Dude! That was just sad!" Aaron laughs in his ear, reaching over Michael's shoulder to grab for the game. Michael holds it away from him, laughing half at the fun, and half in embarrassment. Aaron takes this as a challenge, and pushes up on his knees to reach further. And then they're wrestling for it. Aaron climbs up on Michael's back, and he's bigger than Michael, heavier, taller, and stronger. His arms are also longer. He grabs the game, tugging it out of Michael's hands.

Here's the gist of And the Whole World's Just a Little Oyster: Ryan Lochte beats Michael Phelps at swimming, and then they start flirting, apparently as foreplay to really brutal sex..

"I beat you, you know," Ryan says, playfully shoving Michael toward the starting block. His hair's beginning to dry and his medal dangles away from his chest as he leans over Michael's back to his ear. He can see the glint of gold bobbing against Michael's spine, and he thinks, dude, this may be the most fucking awesome thing I've ever seen.

"For once," Michael counters, already shimmying out of his workout bottoms and boxers.

Ryan snorts. "Once is all it takes, bro. I think I've earned a piece of this," he says, slapping Michael's ass and admiring the red handprint it leaves behind. "And where better than the place it all went down?" He nips Michael's ear, hard.

Things escalate quickly.

"Whatever," Ryan murmurs cheerfully, pressing his mouth hard between Michael's shoulder blades and trying to pretend it's not a kiss, just something two guys high on a victory do to each other to blow off some steam.

The medal drags against Michael's back, and Ryan can tell he's got a pained expression at being beaten. "Can't you take that fucking thing off, dude?" Michael protests, but they both know that it's enough of a concession that Ryan isn't nipping down his spine with a fucking American flag grill right now. Ryan doesn't answer, just holds Michael apart with his hands and drags the pointed tip of his tongue across Michael's hole.

Shortly thereafter, sex is had. You can read about it if you want, but, I'm warning you that reading it feels sort of like the first time I saw a very detailed white out drawing of an erect penis on the back of a bus seat.

Ryan pulls his own pants back up and turns Michael around to face him. "Good to go, dude?" he asks, one hand on Michael's cheek, directing his face back to Ryan when Michael flinches away from the gold medal shining brightly against his tanned chest.

"Wait until the four hundred, asshole," Michael says, mustering up a shaky smile.

Oy.

Michael pokes his rib. There's a spot he knows is ticklish, and Ryan slaps at his hand. "The winningest, that's who."

"I know, I got to hear you fangirl over talking to Obama for like an hour." Ryan's moving up his neck now, his body shifting so that he's almost on top of Michael's own. "I think you should take off your clothes."

"Uh-huh," Michael agrees, ignoring the Obama comment (because it was awesome, and whatever, Ryan's just jealous that Obama called the gymnasts and not him). "Sounds like a good idea."

"Fo shizz," Ryan responds.

For shizz indeed.

In Taper, Michael and Nathan both have crushes on Ryan. The waters of love are far from smooth sailing! Choppy seas ahead! Things are about to get wet! Another water-related double entendre!

But Nathan Adrian is in France, restless, and seriously jonesing for a teammate. There is one person he knows he can talk to about this and luckily for Nathan, he's just down the hall.

The door is cracked so Nathan pushes it open only to pull it closed almost immediately. Seared on his retinas is the image of Ryan sitting on Michael's lap on one of the tiny European beds doing something … untoward. Without thinking he shouts through the door, "You're ruining your taper!" and then slaps his hand over his mouth. He's going to always be considered the goody-two-shoes of the National Team if he keeps this up.

The noise inside the room sounds like a pissed off Michael Phelps and a highly amused Ryan Lochte, so Nathan is only half-surprised when the handle on the door turns in his grip and is pulled open.

He is 100% surprised to see Michael in the doorway, though he is snarling. "What the fuck."

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The Fierce Five: Just Your Average Teenage Girls With a Shit-Ton of Olympic Medals [Olympics]

Aug 9, 2012 11:50 AM  

All five members of the U.S. women's Olympic gymnastics team were on The Today Show this morning where, among other things, the girls discussed their gold medals, McKayla Maroney's "not impressed" face, and what they expect when they return to in the United States (apart from a bajillion dollars worth of endorsement deals). Naturally, the segment included the predictable "we're just normal teenage girls" routine — but it's actually believable in this case, as the ladies tell stories of late night dance parties, meeting Kate Middleton, and receiving a video message from tween overlord Justin Bieber. On the other hand, most teenagers don't sacrifice most of their social life in order devote years of their lives to a singular goal, nor do most win big at the Olympics before their 18th birthdays.

We're all caught up in our love affair with the Fierce Five right now, but let's not discount our admiration as hype. These girls are incredible and our love is real.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

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What’s the Right Way to Be a Female Olympic Athlete? [Olympics]

Over the weekend Jeré Longman of the New York Times published this piece about female Olympic hurdler Lolo Jones. It is by all accounts pretty scathing. Alyssa Rosenberg calls it "one of the nastiest profiles" she's ever seen. David Roth calls the article "unfounded and unfair" and Isaac Rauch of Deadspin found it so harsh that he goes to considerable effort to tear it apart line by line. Additional takedowns here and here.

But all these critics of the Times piece are missing the point. Lolo Jones needed to be called out for committing what's become an all-too-common mistake: trying to be Olympic While Female. It goes without saying that she's doing it all wrong. Sure, she's representing her country on the world stage, raking in endorsements, and inspiring an entire generation of young women to achieve their dreams. But Jeré Longman has a point, as he sits in a dark room typing furiously away on his computer while googling "lolo jones sucks amiright".  And his point is this: there really is only one right way to be an Olympic Female Athlete. I understand that this may seem confusing right now, what with all the opinions being bantered about. Thankfully, I've compiled all the rules here, in one place. You're welcome.

DO have a compelling story of perseverance. At the very least, you should have sustained multiple injuries on your journey to Olympic greatness. Bonus points if you come from poverty and/or a broken home. Whatever you do, be sure the sentence "she had a brief and desperate career as a child shoplifter" applies to you. This will come in handy later when the New York Times wants to portray you in a mocking, unfavorable light.

DO execute a non-cynical marketing strategy. Now, normal civilians like you and I may have no idea what a non-cynical marketing strategy looks like, but Olympic athletes should be able to figure it out. One thing's for sure: it doesn't involve you having sex appeal, in any form, ever. *Note: While tempting, non-cynical marketing strategies are not to be confused with non-cyclical marketing strategies, which are never a good idea. The market is always cyclical. I know this from watching lots of movies about Wall Street.

DO be feminine. Consider yourself warned: should your behavior while kicking ass in the sport of your choice arouse suspicion of indecent amounts of manliness, hormone levels are fair game.

DO make sure your looks are more meager than your skills. More meager by a long shot. If you're not sure whether your looks or skills are more meager, ask Jeré Longman.

DO be lucky. It's the only way to win while female.

DO pick a v-word and stick with it. Have you ever been a victim? There goes your career as a vixen. Never had sex? As a virgin, you've forgone the opportunity to become a violinist. And if you would at all classify yourself as vituperative, voluptuous, or venerous, best not try to travel for leisure, lest you come to be known as a vacationer or a voyager in the process.

DON'T talk about your compelling story of perseverance. Let others discover the dark truths of your past and debut them on a network hour-long special featuring touching, feel-good music and interviews with your old neighbors and schoolteachers. The world will come to know your story, but you must never tell it to them directly. The media will do that for you!

DON'T cry. There's no crying in the Olympics.

DON'T be fat. Are you a top athlete competing to be the best in the world? Fatty.

DON'T be hot. Lest your skills be perceived as more meager than your looks (see "do" number 4) and you mistakenly draw more attention to beauty than achievement. Which reminds me:

DON'T be ugly. As an Olympic athlete, it's your job to make sure you're attractive to everybody all the time. On a related note, be sure to get that hair did!!

If this all seems a bit much, there's one simple rule you can follow: DON'T be a woman at all. Because let's be honest: these days, if you want to be an Olympic athlete without incurring the wrath of the New York Times and other mainstream media outlets, as a woman you've already messed up your chances.

This post originally appeared on Feministing. Republished with permission.Lori Adelman is a Brooklyn-based women's health advocate and a regular contributor to Feministing.com.

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Gabby Douglas's Mom Is Fucking Pissed About the Hair Critics: 'Are you TRYING to Ruin Her Self-Confidence?' [Olympics]

As previously discussed, some people watching the Olympics — mostly fellow African-Americans — have been critical of Gabby Douglas's hair. For many black people, hair is not just hair: it is "good" or "bad," a political statement, a reflection of socio-economical status and a vehicle for messages about social and beauty standards. For Douglas, an athlete competing on the world stage, as long as her hair is not in her way, it should be fine. But some couldn't resist making snide comments on Twitter and Facebook, in a sad display of girl-on-girl crime.

Fashionista caught up with Gabby's mom, Natalie Hawkins, in the Olympic Village, and asked her how Gabby felt about it:

She said,"Really?! I won two gold medals and made history and my hair is trending?" So we laughed about it. We made a huge joke out of it and I was quick to try to diffuse that situation. Because I thought, "How ignorant is it of people to comment on her hair and she still has more competitions to go. Are you TRYING to ruin her self confidence? She has to go out there and feel good about herself, and if she feels good about herself on that floor, who are YOU to criticize her? What have YOU done to help contribute to her dream, that you felt it necessary to put it out there so that she could see it."

But it's clear that Hawkins, with whom Gabby does not live much of the time, is incredibly (and rightfully) frustrated that her daughter's hair has sparked discussion:

She gets relaxer but we try not to relax it too much. It's really been African American women that have come out and attacked her. They don't know about gymnastics. She has to keep her hair in a ponytail 28-30 hours a week. In gymnastics you're tumbling around on your hair. You're falling backwards on it. You're doing "timers" and your hair is constantly snagging on the mat, and for our hair that's very detrimental. You're going into foam pits–and any hair stylist will tell you that foam on African American hair is destructive. It breaks the hair horribly. We had to come up with creative ways to keep [Gabby's] hair looking good. We've tried the short hair style, we've tried long. We grew her hair out because she preferred long hair. I'm not going to make her cut her hair just to please someone else.

Nor should she.

Gabby Douglas' Mom Takes on Her Daughter's Hair Haters: ‘If She Feels Good About Herself, Who Are You To Criticize Her?' [Fashionista]
Gabby Douglas' mother Natalie Hawkins on hair ‘controversy': ‘Are you trying to ruin her self confidence?' [The Grio]

Earlier: Haters Need to Shut the Hell Up About Gabby Douglas' Hair
Gabby Douglas Doesn't Give a Shit What You Think About Her Hair

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Your Olympic Nail Art Roundup [Olympics]

Aug 3, 2012 11:00 AM   The uniforms worn in the 2012 games don't leave a lot of room for fashion statements or individuality, so Olympians—from swimmers, to weightlifters, to archers—have been using their nails as mini-canvases to express their patriotism or simply reflect the experience of the Olympics. Besides, there's no better way to show off a medal than by holding it up with a perfectly manicured hand.

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Fierce Women's Judo Competitors Offend One Man's Delicate Sensibilities [Olympics]

Oh no! Olympic disaster! Some sensible old chap over at the Daily Telegraph was having a corking good time watching the ladies do their precious little Olympic lady-follies when he came across a phenomenon so depraved, so disturbing and unnatural, that he was all, "'ERE! WOT'S ALL THIS THEN!?" and upended his beans on toast all over the davenport. It was women...fighting. Like blokes!

His next thought: Take to the internet and ALERT THE LADS POSTHASTE. I'm just going to paste most of his Telegraph column here because it is hella short and dumb:

Watching Gemma Gibbons gaining Britain's first judo medal in 12 years, I found myself wondering: is women fighting each other violently a perfectly wholesome spectator sport? This wasn't a bit of pretend wrestling. Gemma and her American opponent, Kayla Harrison, were properly grappling with each other, throwing each other with full force onto the mat. They both showed pure, naked, fierce, animalistic aggression of a sort that one doesn't naturally associate with women—or girls for that matter. Quite honestly my initial reaction was one of shock.

...With those judo contestants—and I realise this will probably sound appallingly sexist—I couldn't help wondering about their soft limbs battered black and blue with bruises. Would it bother me to see one of my own daughters savagely attacking another woman on a judo mat for people's entertainment? I'm really not sure. Possibly. On the other hand I might be proud of her skill. I know full well that, as a bloke, it's none of my business, but it's what I thought and felt.

Okay. First of all, enough with this rhetorical strategy where you act like acknowledging sexism makes it impossible for you to actually be sexist. Bullcorn. This reaction—abject horror at the prospect of women becoming big, strong, aggressive, capable, active, and even violent—is a sexist reaction. It is an ancient point of view. It is as musty and dank as the folds of great grandmamma's third best chemise after a long day of scouring.

Even though I'm sure Mr. Brown doesn't consciously intend it this way, there's something blatantly proprietary (and not-so-subtly sexual) about this whole thing. "But but but what if my woman-thing gets messed up and then it's not as pretty when I eventually have sex with it!?!?" But good news! Don't even worry about it, bro. These Olympic judo medalists will definitely never fuck you.

To be clear: Anything on earth that a woman is capable of doing is womanly. It is impossible for a woman to be unwomanly because a woman is a woman. Therefore, anything a woman does is womanly by default. Fighting is womanly. Winning fights is womanly. Bruises are womanly. Savagery is womanly. Unwholesomeness is womanly. Athleticism is womanly. And not giving a shit what some poor delicate flower of a newspaper columnist thinks about your womanliness is super fucking womanly.

Women's judo: it's disturbing to watch these girls beat each other up [Telegraph]

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Guor Marial Is the Running Man Without a Country and That’s Kind of Badass [Olympics]

South Sudanese refugee Guor Marial got some news a little more than a week ago that only a gifted athlete with the will to compete would think is awesome — the International Olympic Committee would let him run 26.2 miles as an independent participant under the Olympic flag. That's, you know, cool if you like to run, but my lungs are starting to quiver with nightmarish memories from high school cross country (junior varsity — jealous much?).

On July 21st, the IOC informed Marial that he could compete in the Olympic marathon even though he doesn't technically have a country to represent. Though he was all set to run for U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A. (where he'd been training), Marial's road to citizenship was blocked by a protracted security background check because bureaucracy, ladies and gentlemen, is the root of all evil in the world. Marial was born in what has become South Sudan, a country he'd love to represent officially in London except for one minor bureaucratic obstacle — South Sudan officially became a country very recently, and so doesn't have a National Olympic Committee, an IOC requirement for any country wishing to compete in the games.

A change.org petition to let Marial run as an independent (there is a precedent for it — the IOC recently granted independent status to athletes from the Netherlands Antilles after its NOC was dissolved) garnered more than 3,500 signatures and helped sway the IOC. Marial, who's already trained pretty hard for this, was understandably thrilled. "The voice of South Sudan has been heard," Marial said to the AP. "The South Sudan has finally got a spot in the world community. Even though I will not carry their flag in this Olympic Games, the country itself is there." Jeez, distance running is really compelling. More compelling when you can watched dramatized versions of it rather than an entire, monotonous marathon, but still.

Refugee without a country to compete under Olympic flag in London [Yahoo! Sports]

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Olympics Fans Close to Winning Gold Medal in Racism [Video]

When they're not criticizing Gabby Douglas's hair or wondering why all North Koreans look alike, the folks watching the Olympic Games are just innocuously rooting for their home team, right? Wrong: There's more racism afoot!

This time, the perpetrators were Lithuanian fans at a basketball game between Lithuania and Nigeria. As Similoluwa Ojurongbe reports for The Grio, a crowd of fans in Lithuanian gear were making monkey chants during the game. Monkey chants. At a global event ostensibly representing peace between nations. A Scotland Yard spokesman says that one man was arrested on "suspicion of a racially aggravated public-order offense."

And just in case you're thinking, well, maybe that's how they cheer, with weird sounds, maybe it's a Lithuanian thing, and not racist, know this:

This is not the first time during this year's Olympics that Lithuanian fans have been in trouble. Earlier this week, one of the basketball fans goaded African-American basketball players with the Nazi salute and another made the same gesture towards black stewards.

Meanwhile, right here in the US, right after Gabby Douglas won her gold medal, NBC aired a commercial featuring a monkey doing gymnastics. Bad timing, a horrible coincidence, but a lot of people noticed.

[The Grio, Buzzfeed]

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Marketers Can't Wait to Use Olympic Gold Medalist Gabby Douglas to Sell Crap [Olympics]

If you're anything like me, when you watched American gymnast Gabby Douglas compete in the individual all-around finals, you had much less composure as a spectator than the eventual gold medalist did as a competitor. And when she won and waved with the poise and calm confidence of tiny American royalty, you may possibly have cried a little bit and had to take some deep breaths into a paper bag. Douglas is easy to be proud of — she's the best at what she does, she's strong in her convictions, and cute as a button. She's got more class and asskickery in one of her leotard crystals than most humans do in their entire bodies. And soon, marketers will do their darndest to harness those qualities into a Gabby Douglas-led marketing explosion. And I'll totally fall for it.

Everyone loves Gabby Douglas right now. Gabby Douglas is to American pride and solidarity what the Chick-fil-A protests are to the sort of division and discord our children will interpret as a terrible reflection of a backward time full of jerks. We want to hug Gabby Douglas. We want to hug her mom, and her host mom. We want to carry her giant backpack for her. We want our kids to want to be like her.

One media consultant notes that product hawkers have smelled the Gabby love in the air and can't wait to get their paws on her — she's "a marketers dream." He told CBS,

As a 16-year-old, she has really got kind of the sky is the limit. She brings so many intangibles that marketers look for. She's young. She's fresh. She's a new face. ... America is looking for heroes. We went into this looking for Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte and we are going to come out of it with a new gymnastics face, and that's terrific.

Everyone's happy for this person — how can we exploit this to make money? My brain read that quote in the voice of Joe Pesci's evil character from Home Alone.

Douglas is already slated to appear on a box of Corn Flakes (which I will buy, because I still have the 1996 Magnificent Seven Wheaties box), and has already started making the talk show circuit. And other companies can't wait to put Gabby's grin next to their products. BUY THIS THING. OTHERWISE GABBY DOUGLAS WILL STOP SMILING.

Dominique Dawes, a member of the 1996 team, said she was happy for Gabby, but said it's important for young athletes suddenly thrust into the spotlight to be careful about who they choose to spend time around, and what products use their image to promote their products.

I'm not a close personal friend of Gabby Douglas, nor do I know the way she thinks, but she seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Let's hope she only lends it to selling stuff I actually need, because I could probably be convinced to buy a closet full of Gabby Douglas brand mufflers.

[CBS]

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Hunger Games Archery Expert Competed in the Olympics Today [Olympics]

Aug 2, 2012 6:20 PM  

Khatuna Lorig, who trained Jennifer Lawrence in archery for The Hunger Games, competed today in London. She did not win a medal, but she has a great attitude about it:

Yeah, there are nerves, but if I miss, I'm not going to die. This is my fifth Olympics. You just shoot your best shot, try to make it as best you can, and hope for the best. Maybe the wind blows, maybe something happens, you can only control what you can control.

In addition to teaching Katniss how to shoot, Lorig is keeping archery in the family: Her 19-year-old son Levan is looking to enter the 2016 Olympic games.
[The Mary Sue, WaPo]

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Idiot Olympics Fans Wonder Why All North Koreans Look Alike [Olympics]

Bruce Reyes Chow, a father of three daughters, sat down to watch the United States Women's National Soccer Team play North Korea yesterday. In a piece on Huffington Post, he writes: "Watching the USWNT play over the past few years has been one of the most powerful and important things my daughters have experienced… The names Hope Solo, Alex Morgan, Abby Wambach, Megan Rapinoe, Lauren Cheney and Carly Lloyd are known in our house much like sports figures — like Kobe Bryant, Drew Brees or Big Papi might be known to others." Unfortunately, Reyes-Chow also decided to follow the action and commentary on Twitter. And what he saw was not pretty:

All Korean Chinese and Japanese people look the same.. It's gross. #noracism

— Sean Servalish (@sServiee) July 31, 2012

I'm not being racist, but all the Korean girls on the team have the same face. How do you tell them apart?

— Brianna Neitzel(@bri_neitzel) July 28, 2012

Why does all the Korean team look the same

— KateTheGreat (@imkatelynn) July 31, 2012

All Korean Chinese and Japanese people look the same.. It's gross. #noracism

Why does all the Korean team look the same

I'm not being racist, but all the Korean girls on the team have the same face. How do you tell them apart?

all the north korean players look EXACTLY the same #sorrynotsorry

These people — all American, as far as we can tell — Tweeted racist remarks, and they are not sorry. But they should be. Reyes-Chow argues:

While this might not be a huge deal to many folks, this "they all look the same" rhetoric this has been one of THE primary ways that society has historically denied and dismissed the human experience and expression of people of color. Sure, everyone is mistaken for someone at some point in time, but I simply do not think this happens to white folks as much as it does for people of color. For many of my black, Latino and Asian friends out there, I am sure that we can all list instance after instance after instance when we have been mistaken for a like-raced person who looks nothing like us.

Reyes-Chow decided not to include the names of the Tweeters, explaining: "Many are young folks who I believe are still learning the nuances of social media. My intent is not to bring down the hammer on any one person, but only to point out that issues of race are still in need of addressing in today's society." But the way to correct the ignorance and xenophobia behind these tweets is to educate the young people putting it up in a public space, using their real names. Athletes from around the planet are competing in epic displays of strength, speed and ability. Races and matches are won within narrow margins. The emotions on view — thrill of victory, disappointment of defeat, pride of parents and fans — proves that we are more alike than we are different. If ever there were a teachable moment, this is it.

"Why Do All Asians Look the Same?" [HuffPo]

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Married Olympian Couples Are Competitively Adorable [Olympics]

Even though National Olympic Committees don't keep track of how many of the 10,000 athletes in London are married, according to the Wall Street Journal, there are at least six couples at this year's Olympics that are currently engaged in an unofficial "who's more in love" competition. Married Olympic couples would seem, at first, to offer really good kindling for warming your heart, but it turns out that people who compete at an insanely high level are actually insanely competitive. Just take Australia's Clayton and Lucinda Fredericks, who, as equestrians, had the opportunity to compete against each other at the Beijing games back in 2008. In the heat of competition, explains Clayton, marriage vows fade to but an inaudible murmur under the clippity-clop of hooves:

For the week of the Olympics, it's more important for me to have a good relationship with your horse than your wife. That's the one that's going to win you the medals.

Anything for medals, I guess? No worries — even though Clayton finished seventh and Lucinda finished twenty-sixth, the couple took home silver medals in the team event and so didn't have to arm wrestle to determine ultimate number-one champion before they parted ways at Olympic Village before lights-out (Australia, unlike some other countries, maintains a strictly-segregated dorm).

Hyper-competitive couples aren't a new phenomenon, though. At Helsinki in 1952, everyone's favorite married Olympians were track and fielders Emil Zatopek and Dana Zatopkova. They gave press conferences together and everything, but when Zatopek tried to siphon a little credit for his wife's gold medal by explaining that his own win had no doubt "inspired" her, Zatopkova took a moment to make her husband look like an asshole in front of everyone by responding, "Oh you inspired me, did you? OK, go inspire some other girl and see if she throws a javelin 50 meters."

Marriage must be a little tougher when everything — making pancakes, watching TV, showering — has the potential to rapidly devolve into a bloodthirsty competition. Especially considering the fact that everyone wins in a pancake contest anyway, so trying to determine a single winner is an absurd exercise.

Marriage Shapes Up as Tough Event [WSJ]

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Who Is Your Olympic Athlete Body Match? [Olympics]

Jul 31, 2012 4:15 PM  

This is so much fun: If you enter your height and weight into the amazing gizmo at the BBC's website, you can find out how you measure up in comparison to Olympic athletes. Here on staff at the HQ, we've got a hammer-thrower, a ping-pong champ, a boxer, a diver, and a 100M runner.

[BBC News]

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Saudi Judo Champion Will Wear Special, Ass-Kicking Hijab During Olympic Competition [Olympics]

Jul 31, 2012 12:10 PM  

Saudi judo champion Wojdan Ali Seraj Abdulrahim Shaherkani will wear a hijab after all when she takes part in the Olympic Judo competition. A Saudi National Olympic Committee spokeswoman said that the IOC and the International Judo Federation had settled on a version of the headscarf for Shaherkani to wear that was most appropriate for competitive ass-kicking. Shaherkani had previously said that she wouldn't compete without a hijab, which meant the the IJF's insistence that she fight "according to the principle and spirit of judo," i.e. with a bare head, proved to blossom into a thorny issue until this latest compromise.

IJF spokesman Nicolas Messner confirmed that Shaherkani would compete in the heavyweight category on Friday, but offered no additional details. Shaherkani is one of two Saudi women to travel to London this year after the IOC successfully persuaded a string of conservative Muslim nations including Qatar and Brunei to end their bans on sending female competitors to the games.

Saudi woman allowed to compete in hijab [Reuters via Yahoo!]

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No One Loves the Olympics Like Samuel L. Jackson Loves the Olympics [Tweet Beat]

Jul 31, 2012 7:20 PM   In today's Tweet Beat, Samuel L. Jackson is loving women's weightlifting, Gabby Douglas captures Iman's heart, Nathan Fillion advises you to check your handshake and Olivia Wilde has lost all of our phone numbers.

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