LONDON, ENGLAND - AUGUST 12: Japan fans watch as competitors take part in the men's Marathon during Day 16 of the London 2012 Olympic Games on August 12, 2012 in London, England. (Photo by Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)
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The London Olympics are wrapping up on Sunday, after 16 days of competition, crying during national anthems, and ill-conceived grill flashing. Let's relive some of the game's most memorable moments with the artistic medium du jour, the gif.
(The one of Serena, above, comes from our brothers at Deadspin.)
On July 27th — we were all so innocent then — the XXX Olympiad kicked off in London with an Opening Ceremony fit for a parachuting, Bond Girl Queen. We had no idea the giffable treats that awaited us during the days ahead, but everyone was very, very excited. Unfortunately, one of the first memorable moments of the games was noteworthy in its suckiness — South Korean fencer Shin A-Lam lost a berth in the gold medal match to German Britta Heidemann after officials added time to the clock. Because of fencing rules, Shin had to remain on the piste, where she cried in front of a crowd of 8,000 people while the judges considered her coach's appeal, which was eventually rejected. Shin refused to leave and had to be escorted from the arena by security in one of the most controversial moments in the history of modern fencing.
The US Women's Gymnastics team kicked some serious ass in London, decisively defeating Russia for the team gold medal. Two nights later, American Gabby Douglas became the first African-American woman to win the individual all-around gold medal, and the first American woman ever to win both team and individual gold in the Olympics. But just because Olympic gymnasts are serious competitors doesn't mean they're not good sports. Here's Russia's fierce Aliya Mustafina and America's Aly Raisman, rivals in competition, congratulating each other during event finals. The thumbs up from Mustafina kills me dead, you guys.
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These games marked the first time women were allowed to compete in Olympic boxing, and, despite what some dudes who don't like ladies getting sweaty and hitting each other said, the sport's debut was a rousing success. Ireland's Katie Taylor made her countrymen ecstatic with her victory in the 60kg lightweight division (that's not hyperbole — check out this video of the enormous crowd gathered in her hometown reacting to her victory). But my favorite moment of women's boxing was watching American Claressa Shields losing her shit as she received her gold medal for the middleweight division.
On the track the UK's Mo Farah became Britain's first ever gold medalist in the 10,000 meter event, racing one of the most thrilling 25 laps of dudes running at an alarming speed a person could hope to witness. Farah trains in the US with partner Galen Rupp, and the two faced a deep, talented field of distance runners determined to keep the pair off the podium. But their efforts to block Farah and Rupp were unsuccessful; and the pair finished 1-2. Farah's reaction to crossing the finish line, with Rupp in the background, is enough to soften even the hardest, blackest, most Olympic-hating heart.
Meanwhile, swimming and diving.
The US women's soccer team lost a nailbiter to Japan in the finale of last year's Women's World Cup. This time around, thanks to hard work, an incredible last second goal by Alex Morgan in the semifinal versus Canada and a little OLYMPIC MAGIC, the team found itself once again facing Japan in the finals. And the team's resident Jedi Hope Solo delivered, big time. Gold medal! USA! USA! USA!
America's runners did their country proud, with veteran Allyson Felix finally winning her first Olympic gold in the 200 meter event. But the Americans also captured 2 medals in the 200, the 400, the 100 meter hurdles, and the long jump. Other female runners kicked ass in London as well —Ethiopia's Tiki Gelana finished the marathon in a blazing 2:23:07, setting an Olympic record. Russian women took home gold medals in the steeplechase, 400 meter hurdles, and hammerthrow. And — spoiler alert, Team America fans — just this afternoon, the US Women's 4X100 meter relay team shattered a 27-year-old world record when the fantastic foursome of Allyson Felix, Tianna Madison, Bianca Knight and Carmelita Jeter finished the race in only 40.82 seconds. The second place Jamaican sprinters (Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce, Sherone Simpson, Veronica Campbell-Brown and Kerron Stewart) finished in 41.41, a national record. The third place Ukrainians also broke their national women's record, which means that men are now officially over.
So now, it's almost time to wrap things up in London and rev things up in Rio, the site of the 2016 games. Pause for a second and think about what age you'll be when those happen. Your life is ebbing away in 4 year chunks, drop by Olympian drop. And NBC's Olympic fanfare theme music begins playing ominously in your head.
Anyway, here's hoping that when Rio takes the reins, they handle it at least as well as the Brits did. Because watching a poorly organized sporting event is a lot like watching a poorly executed dive.
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If you can dream it, someone has written dirty fanfiction about it. There's sexy fanfiction about everything imaginable — from Thomas the Tank Engine to RENT to Rainbow Brite. Years ago, I followed a blog called World Cup Sexual Frustration, which alternated between posting pictures of soccer players, which is what drew me in the first place, and posting elaborate, graphic, hilariously bad fanfiction about sexual encounters with one or more internationally famous footballers, which is why I kept coming back (one particularly memorable piece detailed one daring flight attendant's orgy with the entire Spanish soccer team at 30,000 feet. One situation where it was okay for soccer players to use their hands! Cue canned 90's sitcom WOOOOO noise!). It should come as no surprise, then, that the XXX (heh) Olympic games, and specifically Olympic swimming, have inspired the pens and libidos of thousands of lusty fans who would just love to watch Olympic swimmers screw each others' brains out. If you've ever morbidly wondered what sorts of depraved thoughts lurk in the pool of the human mind, there's no time like the present to dive in to the world of the awesomely awful, and awfully awesome world of Olympic swimming and diving fanfiction. It might just be the next Fifty Shades of Grey.
In The Lies They Say, follow the journey of Ryan Lochte as he breaks free from the clutches of his evil, angry dad, helped by one very special 19-time Olympic medalist.
"Stop whining." Steven raises his hand to slap Ryan again, but the slap never comes. There's another hand, a familiar hand, wrapped tightly around Steven's wrist, holding it back. Steven's other hand lets go of Ryan and Ryan struggles to stay standing, pressing against the lockers and watching in shock as Michael turns Steven around to face him. Michael looks angrier, scarier, much more dangerous than Steven has ever looked.
"Don't," Michael speaks, low and slow, enunciating every word. "Lay another hand on him."
"Phelps." Steven nods, trying to pull his wrist out of Michael's grip, but Michael doesn't let go. "This is between me and my son."
"You have no right to call him that."
"Stay out of this."
"No."
Eventually, Mike Edward Cullens the evil elder Lochte from the locker room, and soon the two are making sweet, sweet, locker room sex. Complete with postcoital expressions of love.
Ryan stops. His whole world is spinning and he holds out a hand to keep himself steady. Michael is there, instantly, grabbing his hand and bringing it to his lips, kissing the center of his palm with so much tenderness that Ryan can't find the words to argue.
"Yeah," Michael smiles. "I love you. I have, for a very long time."
"You can't." Ryan shakes his head. "You're wonderful and I'm- I'm not. I'm not worth it."
Michael gives him a sad little smile. "You're worth it, Ry. You're worth everything, and it's killing me that you don't see that." He takes Ryan in his arms again and Ryan goes, half-willingly and half because he's too confused to fight it. "I can't believe I never saw it before," Michael whispers, shaking his head against Ryan's. "I'm sorry I didn't stop this before now. I'm sorry."
And they lived fappily ever after.
Just to break things up a little from the fictional Lochte/Phelps lovefest, here's a selection of fictional stories about Tom Daley. The British diver is a chiseled teen with a hairless boy band face and a heartstring-strumming backstory. Naturally, everyone wants to fuck his fictional doppelganger. A sexy girl diver named Jacqueline does.
And lo and behold, in front of us was none other than Tom Daley. Oh wow. Now I fully understood why someone would have wet dreams over this guy. We had men in the South African diving team but damn no one came close, Tom is fit. I couldn't help but let my eyes trail over the contours of his body. His broad shoulders, strong arms and defined abdomen made me feel excruciatingly uncomfortable standing in front of him in my swimsuit. And I loved showing off my body. Hell I'd be naked like 75% of the time if I could. But that was beside the point-after trailing my eyes over the rest of him and I mean the rest of him, I quickly averted my attention to his face.
He had warm pools of dark brown eyes and an arrogant smirk was etched on his face. He had short, cropped hair that would be perfect for running your hand through when he would-"Do you like what you see, love?" He said.
In this bit of fanfiction called "Surface Cracks," Daley dives his way into the hearts of multiple members of British boy One Direction, another popular subject of fanfiction:
With all the people having imagination sex with him, it's a wonder poor Tom Daley has time to do any actual diving.
When he got back with the rest of the team, nothing had changed, except the thunder was a tad bit softer. Harry began to smother his hands with chalk dust when all chatter ceased. Liam turned away, his face bright red, and Zayn began laughing. Louis wolf-whistled. "What's so funny you gu-" he stopped mid-question as he spun around, seeing a fully nude Tom in front of him. He clapped a hand over his mouth, a whole world of emotions flooding through him.Tom grinned and playfully winked at him. "Like what you see?" he teased as he rotated fully around.
Fiction Tom, you little minx.
In Paint, Ryan and Michael are a nesting gay couple in the middle of gut rehabbing their home.
Michael smiled and said, "Yes I did, but I think I missed a spot..."
Ryan looked around and saw no problems, the room looked perfect. "Where did you miss a spot? Ryan asked.
Michael kicked over the paint can and said, "There."
Ryan's jaw dropped as the paint got all over the old sheets that Michael had put on the floor and Michael leaned in for a kiss.
Ryan kissed him as Michael pinned him to the ground and said, "I just wanna do you in the paint..."
Ryan smiled and said, "Maybe I do like this surprise..."
Ryan rolled over so he was on top of Michael. Ryan kissed him and rubbed his hands in the paint and stroked Michael's face.
Michael rolled Ryan back over and rubbed paint into Ryan's hair, as he caught his boyfriend in a kiss.
Hope that paint was nontoxic, or at least washable, because I can't imagine the agony of trying to scrub dried paint off a scrotum.
At first, Michael's like, ugh this guy, and then they sort of start becoming friends. Ryan is a rock n' roll free spirit with a 'tude and Michael's a nose-to-the-grindstone nerdy swimming star. A match made in fanfic heaven.
The next morning in class Ryan's rolling a skateboard under his feet. He's in the same chair he picked yesterday, and Michael's not about to break from tradition by sitting somewhere else, so he takes his usual place too, which now apparently comes with a bonus Ryan Lochte on the side.
It's still too early to know exactly how he feels about that.
Today Ryan's wearing a t-shirt that says does your face hurt? cuz it's killing me and he looks at Michael seriously when he sits down and says, "Skateboard," like he's talking to a grade-schooler.
"Shut up," says Michael again.
Ryan grins hugely. "Don't be like that, baby. If you're nice I might even teach you how to use it," he says.
"I'm always nice," says Michael. "I don't really want to skate though."
"Then shit, man, I don't know if we can be friends anymore." Ryan shakes his head.
"We're friends?" says Michael. He means it to come out kind of…scathing, but mostly it just sounds curious.
"Jeah," says Ryan, nudging the board across the aisle and under Michael's desk.
But soon, their relationship turns blow jobby. The word "dick" appears 19 times. "Cock" appears 5 times. It's not for kids.
London Olympic swimming fanfiction seems to focus on what sort of depraved things people's imaginations have made Ryan Lochte do, but before London, it seems like Michael Phelps was the preferred muse of the slash writer. In Michael Phelps, Bedhopper, the most decorated Olympian in history plays Donkey Kong with former US teammate Aaron Piersol — SEXY Donkey Kong.
Michael pops a boner and simultaneously makes Donkey Kong jump off a cliff. "Dude! That was just sad!" Aaron laughs in his ear, reaching over Michael's shoulder to grab for the game. Michael holds it away from him, laughing half at the fun, and half in embarrassment. Aaron takes this as a challenge, and pushes up on his knees to reach further. And then they're wrestling for it. Aaron climbs up on Michael's back, and he's bigger than Michael, heavier, taller, and stronger. His arms are also longer. He grabs the game, tugging it out of Michael's hands.
Here's the gist of And the Whole World's Just a Little Oyster: Ryan Lochte beats Michael Phelps at swimming, and then they start flirting, apparently as foreplay to really brutal sex..
"I beat you, you know," Ryan says, playfully shoving Michael toward the starting block. His hair's beginning to dry and his medal dangles away from his chest as he leans over Michael's back to his ear. He can see the glint of gold bobbing against Michael's spine, and he thinks, dude, this may be the most fucking awesome thing I've ever seen.
"For once," Michael counters, already shimmying out of his workout bottoms and boxers.
Ryan snorts. "Once is all it takes, bro. I think I've earned a piece of this," he says, slapping Michael's ass and admiring the red handprint it leaves behind. "And where better than the place it all went down?" He nips Michael's ear, hard.
Things escalate quickly.
"Whatever," Ryan murmurs cheerfully, pressing his mouth hard between Michael's shoulder blades and trying to pretend it's not a kiss, just something two guys high on a victory do to each other to blow off some steam.
The medal drags against Michael's back, and Ryan can tell he's got a pained expression at being beaten. "Can't you take that fucking thing off, dude?" Michael protests, but they both know that it's enough of a concession that Ryan isn't nipping down his spine with a fucking American flag grill right now. Ryan doesn't answer, just holds Michael apart with his hands and drags the pointed tip of his tongue across Michael's hole.
Shortly thereafter, sex is had. You can read about it if you want, but, I'm warning you that reading it feels sort of like the first time I saw a very detailed white out drawing of an erect penis on the back of a bus seat.
Ryan pulls his own pants back up and turns Michael around to face him. "Good to go, dude?" he asks, one hand on Michael's cheek, directing his face back to Ryan when Michael flinches away from the gold medal shining brightly against his tanned chest.
"Wait until the four hundred, asshole," Michael says, mustering up a shaky smile.
Oy.
Michael pokes his rib. There's a spot he knows is ticklish, and Ryan slaps at his hand. "The winningest, that's who."
"I know, I got to hear you fangirl over talking to Obama for like an hour." Ryan's moving up his neck now, his body shifting so that he's almost on top of Michael's own. "I think you should take off your clothes."
"Uh-huh," Michael agrees, ignoring the Obama comment (because it was awesome, and whatever, Ryan's just jealous that Obama called the gymnasts and not him). "Sounds like a good idea."
"Fo shizz," Ryan responds.
For shizz indeed.
In Taper, Michael and Nathan both have crushes on Ryan. The waters of love are far from smooth sailing! Choppy seas ahead! Things are about to get wet! Another water-related double entendre!
But Nathan Adrian is in France, restless, and seriously jonesing for a teammate. There is one person he knows he can talk to about this and luckily for Nathan, he's just down the hall.
The door is cracked so Nathan pushes it open only to pull it closed almost immediately. Seared on his retinas is the image of Ryan sitting on Michael's lap on one of the tiny European beds doing something … untoward. Without thinking he shouts through the door, "You're ruining your taper!" and then slaps his hand over his mouth. He's going to always be considered the goody-two-shoes of the National Team if he keeps this up.
The noise inside the room sounds like a pissed off Michael Phelps and a highly amused Ryan Lochte, so Nathan is only half-surprised when the handle on the door turns in his grip and is pulled open.
He is 100% surprised to see Michael in the doorway, though he is snarling. "What the fuck."
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All five members of the U.S. women's Olympic gymnastics team were on The Today Show this morning where, among other things, the girls discussed their gold medals, McKayla Maroney's "not impressed" face, and what they expect when they return to in the United States (apart from a bajillion dollars worth of endorsement deals). Naturally, the segment included the predictable "we're just normal teenage girls" routine — but it's actually believable in this case, as the ladies tell stories of late night dance parties, meeting Kate Middleton, and receiving a video message from tween overlord Justin Bieber. On the other hand, most teenagers don't sacrifice most of their social life in order devote years of their lives to a singular goal, nor do most win big at the Olympics before their 18th birthdays.
We're all caught up in our love affair with the Fierce Five right now, but let's not discount our admiration as hype. These girls are incredible and our love is real.
Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
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Over the weekend Jeré Longman of the New York Times published this piece about female Olympic hurdler Lolo Jones. It is by all accounts pretty scathing. Alyssa Rosenberg calls it "one of the nastiest profiles" she's ever seen. David Roth calls the article "unfounded and unfair" and Isaac Rauch of Deadspin found it so harsh that he goes to considerable effort to tear it apart line by line. Additional takedowns here and here.
But all these critics of the Times piece are missing the point. Lolo Jones needed to be called out for committing what's become an all-too-common mistake: trying to be Olympic While Female. It goes without saying that she's doing it all wrong. Sure, she's representing her country on the world stage, raking in endorsements, and inspiring an entire generation of young women to achieve their dreams. But Jeré Longman has a point, as he sits in a dark room typing furiously away on his computer while googling "lolo jones sucks amiright". And his point is this: there really is only one right way to be an Olympic Female Athlete. I understand that this may seem confusing right now, what with all the opinions being bantered about. Thankfully, I've compiled all the rules here, in one place. You're welcome.
DO have a compelling story of perseverance. At the very least, you should have sustained multiple injuries on your journey to Olympic greatness. Bonus points if you come from poverty and/or a broken home. Whatever you do, be sure the sentence "she had a brief and desperate career as a child shoplifter" applies to you. This will come in handy later when the New York Times wants to portray you in a mocking, unfavorable light.
DO execute a non-cynical marketing strategy. Now, normal civilians like you and I may have no idea what a non-cynical marketing strategy looks like, but Olympic athletes should be able to figure it out. One thing's for sure: it doesn't involve you having sex appeal, in any form, ever. *Note: While tempting, non-cynical marketing strategies are not to be confused with non-cyclical marketing strategies, which are never a good idea. The market is always cyclical. I know this from watching lots of movies about Wall Street.
DO be feminine. Consider yourself warned: should your behavior while kicking ass in the sport of your choice arouse suspicion of indecent amounts of manliness, hormone levels are fair game.
DO make sure your looks are more meager than your skills. More meager by a long shot. If you're not sure whether your looks or skills are more meager, ask Jeré Longman.
DO be lucky. It's the only way to win while female.
DO pick a v-word and stick with it. Have you ever been a victim? There goes your career as a vixen. Never had sex? As a virgin, you've forgone the opportunity to become a violinist. And if you would at all classify yourself as vituperative, voluptuous, or venerous, best not try to travel for leisure, lest you come to be known as a vacationer or a voyager in the process.
DON'T talk about your compelling story of perseverance. Let others discover the dark truths of your past and debut them on a network hour-long special featuring touching, feel-good music and interviews with your old neighbors and schoolteachers. The world will come to know your story, but you must never tell it to them directly. The media will do that for you!
DON'T cry. There's no crying in the Olympics.
DON'T be fat. Are you a top athlete competing to be the best in the world? Fatty.
DON'T be hot. Lest your skills be perceived as more meager than your looks (see "do" number 4) and you mistakenly draw more attention to beauty than achievement. Which reminds me:
DON'T be ugly. As an Olympic athlete, it's your job to make sure you're attractive to everybody all the time. On a related note, be sure to get that hair did!!
If this all seems a bit much, there's one simple rule you can follow: DON'T be a woman at all. Because let's be honest: these days, if you want to be an Olympic athlete without incurring the wrath of the New York Times and other mainstream media outlets, as a woman you've already messed up your chances.
This post originally appeared on Feministing. Republished with permission.Lori Adelman is a Brooklyn-based women's health advocate and a regular contributor to Feministing.com.View the original article here
Aug 8, 2012 7:00 PM Shush, for we have no more need for words. Let us instead speak through through the foot arch of the runner, the flexing calves of the field hockey player and the encompassing reach of the b-baller. Let us speak through Olympic Thighlights.View the original article here
Aug 3, 2012 11:00 AM The uniforms worn in the 2012 games don't leave a lot of room for fashion statements or individuality, so Olympians—from swimmers, to weightlifters, to archers—have been using their nails as mini-canvases to express their patriotism or simply reflect the experience of the Olympics. Besides, there's no better way to show off a medal than by holding it up with a perfectly manicured hand.View the original article here
Aug 3, 2012 6:20 PM Hey, hey, hey! It's Day 5 of Olympic Thighlights and these athletes' bodies are fitter than ever. Today, we explore the rowers' right to bare arms, see the gymnasts jump to new thights, stroke it out with the swimmers and take in some abs-solutely astonishing abs from the Olympic volleyball players. Like they say, you can't have too much of a good thing and that applies double to Olympic Thighlights.View the original article here
If you're anything like me, when you watched American gymnast Gabby Douglas compete in the individual all-around finals, you had much less composure as a spectator than the eventual gold medalist did as a competitor. And when she won and waved with the poise and calm confidence of tiny American royalty, you may possibly have cried a little bit and had to take some deep breaths into a paper bag. Douglas is easy to be proud of — she's the best at what she does, she's strong in her convictions, and cute as a button. She's got more class and asskickery in one of her leotard crystals than most humans do in their entire bodies. And soon, marketers will do their darndest to harness those qualities into a Gabby Douglas-led marketing explosion. And I'll totally fall for it.
Everyone loves Gabby Douglas right now. Gabby Douglas is to American pride and solidarity what the Chick-fil-A protests are to the sort of division and discord our children will interpret as a terrible reflection of a backward time full of jerks. We want to hug Gabby Douglas. We want to hug her mom, and her host mom. We want to carry her giant backpack for her. We want our kids to want to be like her.
One media consultant notes that product hawkers have smelled the Gabby love in the air and can't wait to get their paws on her — she's "a marketers dream." He told CBS,
As a 16-year-old, she has really got kind of the sky is the limit. She brings so many intangibles that marketers look for. She's young. She's fresh. She's a new face. ... America is looking for heroes. We went into this looking for Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte and we are going to come out of it with a new gymnastics face, and that's terrific.
Everyone's happy for this person — how can we exploit this to make money? My brain read that quote in the voice of Joe Pesci's evil character from Home Alone.
Douglas is already slated to appear on a box of Corn Flakes (which I will buy, because I still have the 1996 Magnificent Seven Wheaties box), and has already started making the talk show circuit. And other companies can't wait to put Gabby's grin next to their products. BUY THIS THING. OTHERWISE GABBY DOUGLAS WILL STOP SMILING.
Dominique Dawes, a member of the 1996 team, said she was happy for Gabby, but said it's important for young athletes suddenly thrust into the spotlight to be careful about who they choose to spend time around, and what products use their image to promote their products.
I'm not a close personal friend of Gabby Douglas, nor do I know the way she thinks, but she seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Let's hope she only lends it to selling stuff I actually need, because I could probably be convinced to buy a closet full of Gabby Douglas brand mufflers.
[CBS]
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Researchers have finally figured out the reason why big, goofy Michael Phelps can score millions in endorsement deals while few companies even bother hiring female athletes to be their spokeswomen — sex appeal. Male athletes like Phelps that have a suitably disarming grins aren't heavily exploited for their sex appeal the way female athletes are. Advertising tactics right now (for anyone who doesn't ever see advertisements) revolve around youth and sex rather than athletic prowess, which means that, when advertisers use female athletes to sell things, they usually use them incorrectly.
According to two researchers from the University of Delaware, even on the rare occasions when companies make use of female athletes, the gambits often prove unsuccessful. Researcher John Antil explains that this advertising narrow-mindedness is closing all kinds of doors for athletes who only have a small window of time to capitalize on their marketing potential. "The way female athletes are being used as endorsers," he explains, "negatively impacts their effectiveness and reduces wider opportunities for other female athletes."
The researchers gathered their data through focus groups, asking participants to react to ads and discuss their insights. Ads that focused on an athlete's physical splendor were often viewed negatively because such ads emphasized the differences between the spokesperson and the viewer, rather than making that spokesperson relatable. For instance, study participants seemed to especially dislike a "Got Milk?" ad featuring Dara Torres in a bathing suit because, rather than highlight Torres' personal and athletic achievements as a 40-year-old world-class athlete and mother, the ad focused solely on her physique. Study co-author Matthew Robinson wrote,
Respondents suggested this was a poor image for an outstanding athlete who achieved so much while raising a family. Featuring Dara Torres as a middle-aged single mother, able to balance family with work commitments, might be more effective than highlighting her physical attractiveness at age 40.
The main problem is that advertisers made little effort to make female athletes relatable in the same way that companies have tripped over themselves to make male athletes like Peyton Manning America's Official Pitchman For Everything. Of course, advertising misuse isn't the only problem female athletes face — many of them simply aren't as well-known as their male counterparts. Since affability — or seeming affability — is the hallmark of advertising success, having a low-profile immediately puts female athletes at a disadvantage, especially once the glow of Olympic success fades at the end of the games. It's a shame, too, because I would definitely buy a swing set if Gabby Douglas told me to.
Why Female Athletes Usually Get Shafted In The Post-Olympics Hunt For Endorsers [Business Insider]
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Aug 2, 2012 7:00 PM It's Day 4 of our Olympic thighlight coverage and looking at all of these beautiful bodies has gotten downright exhausting. Still, we must soldier on like the brave heroes that we are. They haven't made athlete-oggling an Olympic category yet, but, once they do, we undoubtedly will bring our respective countries all the glory they deserve. Shamon, shamon now!View the original article here
This is so much fun: If you enter your height and weight into the amazing gizmo at the BBC's website, you can find out how you measure up in comparison to Olympic athletes. Here on staff at the HQ, we've got a hammer-thrower, a ping-pong champ, a boxer, a diver, and a 100M runner.
[BBC News]
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Saudi judo champion Wojdan Ali Seraj Abdulrahim Shaherkani will wear a hijab after all when she takes part in the Olympic Judo competition. A Saudi National Olympic Committee spokeswoman said that the IOC and the International Judo Federation had settled on a version of the headscarf for Shaherkani to wear that was most appropriate for competitive ass-kicking. Shaherkani had previously said that she wouldn't compete without a hijab, which meant the the IJF's insistence that she fight "according to the principle and spirit of judo," i.e. with a bare head, proved to blossom into a thorny issue until this latest compromise.
IJF spokesman Nicolas Messner confirmed that Shaherkani would compete in the heavyweight category on Friday, but offered no additional details. Shaherkani is one of two Saudi women to travel to London this year after the IOC successfully persuaded a string of conservative Muslim nations including Qatar and Brunei to end their bans on sending female competitors to the games.
Saudi woman allowed to compete in hijab [Reuters via Yahoo!]
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Jul 31, 2012 7:00 PM Welcome to Day 2 of our Olympic Thighlight coverage. In today's roundup, we'll be covering the arms of rowers, the abs of divers, the legs of tennis players and all the body parts and events in between. Don't be sad for those who didn't get the gold. When it comes to thighlights, everyone's a winner! View the original article here
Jul 30, 2012 6:00 PM The 2012 Summer Olympics have kicked off with bang, giving spectators around the globe the chance to cheer on our countries' best athletes as they compete in various feats of strength. Not only do the Olympics offer up the perfect opportunity to take in some magnificent demonstrations of athletic prowess, but they also give us a glimpse at what are, arguably, the best physiques in the entire world.
All week, we'll be bringing you special coverage of these glorious Olympic bodies. Now, let the games begin.
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Mitt Romney's visit to the UK would have been disastrous enough if he'd just shut up after pissing off the British press, the Prime Minister, and the mayor of London. But he had to take it a step farther and go beyond insulting his host country and their Olympic efforts — in an attempt to get people to think he was cool, he strongly, vehemently disavowed interest in watching his wife's expensive dressage horse compete in equestrian events. He won't be watching at all, he says. He doesn't care! In fact, he doesn't even know what a horse sport is! Horses are for dorks!
The anti-horse comments came during the same Brian Williams interview that produced the puzzlingly bizarre comments about how London's Olympic preparations were inadequate because there ain't no Olympic party like a Salt Lake City Olympic party because a Salt Lake City Olympic party was organized by Mitt Romney. Williams urged Romney to share his feelings about having a personal stake in these Games; one of Romney's horses will be competing in the equestrian event. But rather than express pride in his nerdy rich guy hobby, Romney acted like he didn't know anything about the horse he'd spent a small fortune on training, maintaining, and housing. The Presidential candidate told Williams, "I have to tell you, this is Ann's sport. I am not even sure what day the sport goes on. She will get the chance to see it. I will not be watching the event. I hope her horse does well."
Romney then pretended that he didn't know how a dressage competition works, even though, as the LA Times points out, he's a huge Olympics nerd who has picked competition music for his horses in the past.
All of this kind of reminds me of that episode of The Simpsons when the family goes on vacation and Lisa tries to rebrand herself as a cool wearer of sunglasses who says "like, whatever" a lot. Or that part in Mean Girls when Lindsay Lohan's character pretends to be bad at math so her floppy haired crush will like her. Mitt's all, I'm not a clueless rich guy with one of the most expensive hobbies in the world! I don't even know what a hundred dollar bill looks like! Who's on that? Lance Bass? I don't like horses, I like dirt bikes and saying Git Er Done. Vote for me for America's Prom King. I will throw a kegger that doesn't serve caviar because I don't even know what that is!
Mittens, if you have to lie about your true self in order to get people to accept you, they're not your real friends.
[LAT]
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Hand-holding otters is currently ranked as the #1 most adorable occurrence in the entire world, but this water cuddle by Olympic swimmers Cameron van der Burgh of South Africa (who won the Men's 100m Breastsroke) and Christian Sprenger of Australia is certainly giving the otters a run for their money.
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Irony of ironies – after encouraging fans to tweet copiously, the International Olympic Committee requests London 2012 attendees limit their output only to “urgent” status updates. The problem – mobile updates from some attendees have clogged a mobile network used by official TV data suppliers.
The International Olympic Committee (IOC) and Twitter have worked closely in recent weeks to promote the microblog service as a means to engage with athletes, competitions and London 2012. But mobile social media users are proving so voluminous at some Olympic venues that they are now interfering with mobile networks on which the games themselves depend, the IOC says.
During Olympic cycling road races this weekend, television broadcasters say they were let down by a lack of official timing data supplied by the Olympic Broadcasting Service (OBS). One BBC commentator relied on his own stopwatch.
IOC communications director said (via Guardian.co.uk): “From my understanding, one network was oversubscribed, and OBS are trying to spread the load to other providers.”
Adams did not name the underperforming network. And his plea to tweeters, in the circumstances, goes against the social media project the IOC had tried to create: “We don’t want to stop people engaging in this by social media and sending updates, but perhaps they might consider only sending urgent updates.”
What constitutes an “urgent” Olympic tweet is anyone’s guess. But the request is ironic in light of the IOC’s own social media commitment. That Twitter has undone coverage in this way is even more delightfully ironic for those onlookers who enjoy comparing the relative fortunes of each medium. Unlike the TV data issue, consumers do not yet appear to have experienced mobile signal issues during the games.
The UK’s five main mobile carriers had banded together with the London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games (LOCOG) to plan out 3G signal requirements around London well in advance.
“The demands that will be placed on the networks will be like having four royal weddings per day for 17 consecutive days,” Stuart Newstead, chair of the Mobile Experience Group, which represents TV and internet broadcasters and mobile networks at the games, told Bloomberg. “Like any of the athletes, we’ve prepared as well as we could and whatever happens, happens.”
Before the games began, I asked each network their plans to guarantee sufficient coverage – here’s what they said…
Everything Everywhere (Orange and T-Mobile):
“We’ve been preparing for London 2012 since before Orange and T-Mobile merged to become Everything Everywhere (mid-2010), investing millions of pounds to ensure a good experience for both British and international visitors to the Olympics…
“Our network specialists have looked to previous global and national events, and analysed sites around the UK where we expect additional demand over the course of the Summer – including tourist attractions, transport hubs and sporting venues, and upgraded hundreds of key sites to cope with additional demand.
“We’ve also increased measures in place to maintain service and operational stability during the games. Additional field maintenance resource in the areas of the country most affected are in place, alongside dedicated incident managers to ensure a very rapid response time to any service-affecting incidents.
“The Joint Operators Olympic Group (JOOG) is also providing as much capacity as possible using external mobile base stations in the Olympic Park to support the number of visitors expected each day. The operators have built 30 sites across the Olympic Park including 14 in-building solutions. At off-park venues, a further 17 temporary sites are being provided to add additional capacity.”
O2:
The company referred us to COO Derek McManus’ September 2011 blog post, in which he said:
“As an industry, we have been planning for over two years and O2 alone has invested £50m in London 2012 – increasing capacity on the current network and building new temporary sites across the country. The mobile industry is expecting to cater for 80 million mobile phone users in 100 different event locations.”
Vodafone:
“We are investing in excess of £1.5 million per day in our network this year and have weighted that investment towards the first half of 2012 in preparation for a busy summer.
“We have accelerated network upgrade and deployment work and are in the process of optimizing our network in London to ensure our customers have a great experience. We are also putting in place extra coverage in public spaces such as Hyde Park and other areas where we know there will be a large number of people.
“We expect to see high demand for all services during the Games as more and more customers use smartphones to access the internet and social network sites. On an average day, we handle upwards of 45TB (terabytes) of data, 90 million calls and 155 million texts. Obviously we are expecting a significant increase on that level of demand, but we are experts in forecasting demand and optimizing our network – in real time – to cope with high usage.
“We have an elite team of engineers dedicated to preparing for special events. Recently, for instance, they ensured that visitors to London were able to call, text, tweet and upload pictures during the Queen’s Jubilee celebrations.
“Meanwhile, our Network Operations Centre (NOC) at our headquarters in Newbury gives us real-time visibility of traffic and enables our team of engineers to dial up capacity when and where we need it. For example, on New Year’s Eve 2011 our network was comfortably handling 12,000 texts a second and we saw well over a million people log on to Facebook, through their phones, in the space of a couple of hours. Volumes of texts were up 25% from the previous year, as was data traffic.
“We’ve also been working with our colleagues in New Zealand and South Africa to take on board the experiences from other recent large-scale worldwide sporting events.”
Three:
“We have worked in partnership with JOOG (Joint Operator Olympic Group) to build additional and dedicated capacity at the Olympic venues in London and across the country. This work has coincided with our on-going network improvement programme both in the capital and UK-wide
“We’ve upgraded sites at around 500 different locations and have also upgraded most of our sites nationally to the very latest and quickest 3G technology (HSPA+). Later this summer, we will move to Dual-Carrier HSDPA equipment, potentially doubling the speed customers can currently get.
“In addition, we have been busy installing Ethernet backhaul across our entire network to ensure that the cables which carry traffic from sites to our core network are not only quicker than ever before, but have more capacity both now and in the future.”
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Sure, our planet has seen better days, but let's take a moment to focus on the positive: We now live in a world where an average man who dreams of crashing the Olympic torch carrying ceremony while carrying a banana can goddamn-well live to see that dream fulfilled.
[Omar and the Olympic Banana]
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