This kitten wants some milk real bad. You can watch this video on mute and just supply the kitten's internal monologue, which goes something like this: "Gimme, gimme gimme gimme gimme!"
via Buzzfeed
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Even though dogs don't even like cabbage, they will eat pretty much anything that is on a table because table equals people food and people food equals delicious. Everything about the placement of this cabbage head, though, smacks of a set up because who the hell just leaves a head of cabbage lying around? Cabbage isn't decorative produce, so these people should stop trying to make cabbage happen.
via Buzzfeed
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The Spice Girls have been reassembled like a singing, sort-of dancing Voltron, the better to help us all bring some closure to the Olympics.
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"No. Oh, no, no, no..."
"Just a bunch of people, on drugs and steroids..."
"Oh my God, they're violent too?"
"That's not nice."
"This is so confusing, I don't even know what I'm watching."
—an assortment of dismayed baby boomers were taped to a chair, eyelids peeled open a la Clockwork Orange and shown clips of MTV's Jersey Shore, and this is what happened.
Have a good Saturday evening!
View the original article here
The first five seconds of this video are I Just Can't Even™.
The lamb's owner, John Bolton, says that the bonding of the dog with the lamb over shared spots is "once in a blue moon" and "something [I am very] pleased about."
"She keeps [the lamb's] face clean, and so forth," he adds. DAWWWW.
[via HuffPo]
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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are having a big, expensive party at their French chateau this weekend and everyone is speculating they're going to get married even though they said it's being thrown in honor of Brad's parents Bill and Jane. "There's a real buzz around the estate," said their good friend Anonymous Source.
Guests include, um, the Pitts, the guy who made Angelina's $250,000 diamond engagement ring, George Clooney, George Clooney's smirk, and probably Brangelina's six kids unless they have somewhere better to be. [Daily Mail]
Harper Collins has announced that Cameron Diaz is writing a book about health, wellness and lifestyle for young women that's scheduled to be released in 2013. Hmm. I am sensing it will be Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP with 200% more pratfalling. [USA Today]
One month after the death of son Sage, Sylvester Stallone has another tragedy to contend with. The actor's half-sister, Toni Ann Filiti, has been battling Stage 4 lung cancer as well as liver cancer, and took a turn for the worse a few weeks ago. She's currently in critical condition at the UCLA hospital. There's reportedly not much of a chance that she'll make it, but the Stallone family is "praying for a miracle." [Page Six]
The Kardashian/Jenner Horror Boogaloo continues jitterbugging frantically along as it's revealed that Kris Jenner—previously accused of orchestrating the Kim/Ray-J sex tape, actually also had a hand in distribution rather than simply leaking it. She brought it to adult video companies and negotiated a deal with Vivid Entertainment for "somewhere between $250,000 and $500,000." [RumorFix]
Meanwhile, Kris is pissed at Kanye West for titling his ode to Kim "Perfect Bitch," telling him to "get a grip" and that "no woman should be called such a term." Basically the blind leading the blind here. [TVNZ.co.nz]
Joe Simpson and Kris Jenner could sit down and write a bang-up parenting book. The father of Jessica and Ashlee, arguably most famous for being an insane stage dad and talking too much to the press about Jessica Simpson's tits (which, really, is talking about them at all), was pulled over on Ventura Boulevard and then thrown in jail overnight for a DUI. [TMZ]
"Zou Bisou Bizou" it ain't: Mad Men's Jessica Paré joined Jesus and Mary Chain onstage to perform their best-known song "Just Like Honey."
You say that gay marriage is a sin, like in Leviticus 19:22. But a preceding verse, Leviticus 17:14, says, "You must not eat the blood of any creature, because the life of every creature is its blood; anyone who eats it must be cut off." You don't cook your chicken in a kosher way. On what grounds are you picking and choosing which edicts to follow?
His postscript reads: "I would have written this on one of your fine napkins, but it was just too painful a reminder of the way we were." [HuffPo]
Jennifer Lopez said she's much more comfortable performing than she is judging American Idol. [NDTV]David Schiwmmer sold his "Mediterranean paradise" for $8.8 million. [Monsters and Critics]Heather Graham will reprise her role as Jade in The Hangover 3. [Variety]Taylor Swift took Conor Kennedy home to meet her parents and they went to dinner and someone Tweeted a picture and I just want her to be happpppyyyyyyyy, gahhh. Daily Mail]Nicole Polizzi wants Pauly Delvecchio in the room when she has her kid, AND SO DO I. [Us Weekly]Rihanna flew five lucky fans out to Barbados for tea. [The Sun]Mother Debbie Rowe approves of the guardianship of MJ's kids being split between Katherine and TJ Jackson. [Toronto Sun]Speaking of which, Michael Jackson believed that his pet chimp Bubbles could tell which of the people around him was using him for his money. [The Sun]Goddammit. Victoria Beckham forgot to tip at a pizza place. GodDAMMIT. [The Sun]Someone got sick on a flight and had to be escorted off the plane, which delayed the arrival of Ryan Reynolds' tongue in Blake Lively's mouth for a few hours. [Page Six]Julie Delpy speaks out about the casting-couch culture in her native France: "I think I broke an ashtray on one director's head." [Page Six]People are being assholes about Naomi Campbell's receding hairline, apparently a result of years of extensions. [NYDN]Saorsie Ronan will play the titular character in Mary Queen of Scots. [Deadline]View the original article here
BUT WHY IS HE WEARING A SHIRT? Comrades! We must agree to boycott Downey until Isaiah Mustafa takes his shirt off! Let them feel the power of the people!
[AdRants]
View the original article here
Harper's Bazaar shot Miranda Kerr for a fall fashion editorial showcasing boots. As should be obvious, the magazine really wanted the boots to be the focus of the spread. So Kerr is depicted naked. Having Kerr be nude to sell boots is far from "gratuitous" or "objectifying" or "tired and obvious"; it is an aesthetic choice completely justified — nay, demanded! — by the subject matter of the story. Exactly how else are you supposed to advertise boots, hm? (This is, incidentally, the second time this week we've seen Kerr's business.) So just look at those boots. Look long and hard at those boots. Do you think you'll be buying any boots this season? Boots. [HB]
Here is Lady Gaga Photoshopped as RuPaul on the cover of Vogue. Or maybe it's RuPaul Photoshopped as Lady Gaga on the cover of Vogue. Either way, you're welcome! [WOW] This is Jennifer Lopez wearing some t-shirts from Teeology, the new Threadless-for-rich-people crowd-sourced Internet t-shirt boutique she both invests in and fronts. [WWD] In this ad for her Marks & Spencer lingerie line, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley describes the goods as "young and modern" but also "classic and sexy" and "buzzword and buzzword." [YouTube] Here are some hilarious pictures of Zac Efron modeling for some denim line nobody has ever heard of. [The Gloss] For the first issue of cult boutique Opening Ceremony's new annual magazine thing, the folks behind our favorite art/fashion site DIS styled and shot a fashion spread featuring Carol Alt and Pat Cleveland racewalking. The sport/fashion thing (and heightening the unreality of fashion photography with Photoshop) is exactly up DIS's alley. [The Cut] Interview did a fashion shoot themed around the male hookup app Grindr. It features America's Next Top Model judge Rob Evans (right). [Interview] Marchesa is launching a perfume. [WWD] Reem Acra also has a fragrance that will go on sale in October. The ad features Crystal Renn, allegedly — she's so Photoshopped we didn't recognize her. It is believed to be Renn's first fragrance campaign. [WWD] And in yet more news of smelly things, Chanel is launching a new scent called Coco Noir. [WWD] If Ryan Lochte indeed gets a clothing line, Brad Goreski would please, please, please like to style the ad campaigns. [The Cut]J.C. Penney — which is in the middle of a difficult restructuring — lost $147 million in the quarter just ended. Executives from the company took four of the top 10 spots on Women's Wear Daily's annual list of the highest-paid U.S. apparel and retail executives; total 2011 compensation for just those four people, including newish C.E.O. Ron Johnson, was more than $1.4 billion. The company has also cut more than 1,000 jobs, not even counting store associates. Johnson's strategy has been to lower prices slightly but hold fewer actual sales. The quarter was a rotten one: same-store sales decreased year-on-year by 21.7% and total sales were down 22.6%. Online sales fell by a whopping 32.6%. "While business continues to be softer than anticipated, we are con?dent the transformation of J.C. Penney is on track," says Johnson. "We will stay the course." He now says he expects growth to resume in early 2013. [WWD]Nordstrom's quarterly earnings, meanwhile, were still comfortably in the black but declined 11% year-on-year to $156 million. Nordstrom Rack saw particularly strong growth, with same-store sales rising 7.7%. [WWD]Something called Harry Styles might be dating model Cara Delevigne. [Daily Mail]In further evidence that designer accessories are really fucking profitable in general (and that designer shoes are really fucking overpriced in particular), three top U.S. department stores are revamping or have recently revamped their shoe departments: Barney's New York, Saks Fifth Avenue, and Macy's Herald Square flagship, which now claims to have the largest shoe floor in the world with 280,000 pairs. [WWD]James Middleton, an actual Middleton sibling of the Middleton family, attended Mischa Barton's clothing line launch party in London. [Hello!]Cambodian garment workers went on strike at an apparel factory in Malaysia that's part of a company that manufactures for such brands as Saks, Nike, Oshkosh, ASICS, Fila, Disney, and Umbro. Indonesian and Nepali workers employed by the same factory also engaged in industrial action. At issue was the company's alleged failure to pay its employees for more than a month — and its failure to pay the contracted daily rate of 26 Malaysian ringgits, or $8.35. Instead, workers were paid a daily rate of only 21 ringgits, or $6.74. And the company was docking each worker's pay by 130 ringgits ($41.75) per month for room and board at the company dormitory. When workers rejected a new contract offer, they were allegedly locked in the factory by management. [WWD, Phnom Penh Post]Move over, Kim Kardashian: Mariah Carey has signed on to lend her name to two O.P.I. nail polish collections that will drop over the next year. [WWD]Donna Karan likes to vacation at her house in Turks and Caicos. If you had a house in Turks and Caicos, we'd wager you would vacation there, too. [VF]Sephora is reopening three Manhattan stores — Union Square, Columbus Circle, and SoHo — after renovations. The shops feature a revamped perfume counter and employees will wear new uniforms designed by Prabal Gurung. Nail artist Naomi Yasuda (that's Tracie's manicurist!) will be performing live demonstrations of nail art designs at the Union Square Sephora on Saturday. [NYDN]View the original article here
Some sunny side up Suzies might claim that all this political negativity is getting them down, but I love this part of the election cycle, the part where both major parties pretend that if they're elected, the needs of women will be their #1 highest priority. This week, the courtship of the American lady voter kicked into high gear, a gear one gear higher than the high gear into which it seemed like it was already kicked, like, six months ago. And both Romney and Obama are claiming that voting for the other guy is sort of like voting to light your ovaries on fire. Who to trust?
In the last two weeks, we've seen a smattering (a group of ads is called a "smattering," like how a group of lions is called a "pride" or a group of crows is called a "murder") of ads from both major political parties, each claiming the other is out to get women. The Obama campaign pointed out that Romney has vowed to "get rid of" federal funding for Planned Parenthood, which means he's not really in touch with poor women who rely on the family planning organization for birth control, cancer screenings, and other sexual health needs. They even released the included video of actress/girlcrush Elizabeth Banks talking about how Romney's stance on women's health would harm people like her. Romney's ad claims Obama is bad for women because the Affordable Care Act is akin to a "War on Religion," and women should be very concerned about this because if there's anything that has really stuck up for women throughout history, it's been organized religion.
According to ABC, the day before the Romney campaign released this new ad about how the Affordable Care Act threatens religious freedom, the GOP nominee's camp criticized the President for continually bringing up women's health as a way to distract from the economy's sluggish recovery.
"Hundreds of thousands of women have lost their jobs, poverty among women is highest in nearly two decades, and half of recent graduates can't find a good job," Romney campaign spokeswoman Amanda Henneberg said. "Middle-class families have struggled in the Obama economy, and Mitt Romney has a plan to strengthen the middle class and get our country back on the right track."
Much of the downward drag on jobs numbers can be attributed to the Republican-championed cutting of public sector jobs like teachers and social workers, jobs predominately held by women.
Barack Obama's not talking enough about the economy! Hey, let's talk about religion!
Earlier this year, The Daily Show pegged this bickering "The Battle for the War on Women," and the description is still apt. But after the politicians have gotten what they've wanted, after we've put out for either the Democrats or Republicans (hahahahahahahaha) will the relentless catering to what women want last much beyond the first Tuesday in November. Will Romney still love me tomorrow?!
[ABC]
View the original article here
Okay, I know it's like the most obvious uptight-feminist cliche ever, but god, I hate Hooters. I fucking hate Hooters so much. Mainly because I like to eat things that actually taste good, and also because I dislike being reminded that a lot of people's ideal woman is a pliant sex mannequin who delivers fried foods. But Hooters—not to be outdone by Hooters!—never fails to come up with new ways to remind me to hate Hooters. Here comes one now!
It's a new advertising campaign helmed by Jody Hill (creator of Eastbound and Down), starring a bored lifeguard, two talking owl puppets, and a swimming pool full of old ladies. The old ladies are doing water aerobics (unattractive people exercising in public? GROSS), and the lifeguard has to—GAG—look at them. In their bathing suits. Are you okay? Are you still conscious? Then, a little devil owl and a little angel owl pop up on his shoulders to let him know that Hooters exists.
Hooters! A land where all the servants are women and all the women are "girls" (their terminology, not mine)—specifically young, seminude, obedient girls laden with fried chicken and paid to flirt. A PARADISE. The old women in the pool, on the other hand, are the woooooooorst! "I just threw up in my beak," quips the devil owl, who apparently hasn't heard a new joke since 1992. At the sight of some cellulite on an old woman's leg, even the angel owl comes around: "Let's go to Hooters. Right now." Then the lifeguard runs off to eat a mountain of dirty onion rings flanked by thin, busty young women (the only good kind of woman, obv!) and, now unsupervised, all the old ladies drown. HOPEFULLY.
Okay. Of course I get that sex appeal is exchanged for tips in pretty much all corners of the food service industry. But the way Hooters formalizes that transaction and makes its employees (human beings, all!) sell themselves beneath novelty signs that say, "CAUTION: BLONDES THINKING" is just...hella gross. It's like some sort of old-timey misogyny theme park, where men get to treat women exactly how they did before all that pesky liberation got into the water supply. But hey, it's all in fun! It's a family restaurant! It's empowering, if you think about it!* Don't be so uptight, dummies!
But even if I didn't hate Hooters with the fiery passion of a million billion suns, this ad is still a failure because it's totally not funny or original or good. It appeals to only the most basic, embarrassing stereotype of a Hooters patron. And is that really what you want to be, dudes? Really? Eastbound and Down (which I like a lot—season one, at least) is...less than sensitive when it comes to pretty much everything, but it tempers that insensitivity by making its main character a pathetic, broken-down, abject failure of a human being who actually manages to say funny things. This commercial is just a stank bundle of cheap, hacky, antique jokes that prop up the patently damaging notion that women's societal value declines drastically with every cellulite dimple. Oh, thanks, guys. Thanks a lot. Now that I'm too embarrassed to go to the pool and exercise because some dickhead lifeguard and the voices in his head are going to be horking over my body, I guess I'll just cloak my shame in sweatpants and gorge on fried chicken all night! Does anybody know where I can get some hot wings?
...Wait.
...Oh.
ADVERTISING STRIKES AGAIN. CURSES.
* :-|
View the original article here
So apparently Paris Jackson used to be besties with this girl named Spencer Malnik, until apparently Paris got it in her head that Spencer was telling her secrets to the public. So she did the only logical thing—she told all 800,000 of her Twitter followers about it. Of course, they promptly went bananas. Paris's tweet:
lol so i guess spencer malnik gave out a fake number saying it was mine for followers on instagram. liar. i'm never trusting spencer again......
Aaaaaaaaand a few of her vigilante fans tweeting at Spencer:
fucking whore go the fuck off bitch
You dress like a slut. Dress like a 14 year old, not a 24 year old. Stupid cunt.
FAME WHORE
Ah, the internet. Fostering compassion and civil discourse since nineteen-ninety-never. [ONTD]
Today in bahahahaahahah, Twilight director Bill Condon talks about being haunted on-set by a freakish golem of his own creation:
Because director Bill Condon had to show Renesmee, who is half vampire and half human, maturing at a rapid rate, he tried a few different approaches. One idea that didn't work was a nearly three-foot-tall Renesmee doll (or "that robot baby" as Robert Pattinson calls it) that quickly got dubbed, Chuckesmee.
"Chuckesmee was a giant misfire on all fronts," Condon says. "Truly, it was one of the most grotesque things I've ever seen. It was a horror show! There was one shot where I call, ‘Cut!' and suddenly she turns her head and mechanically stares right into the camera. It was incredibly disturbing."
Also incredibly disturbing: the fact that I just had the time of my life reading a behind-the-scenes Twilight anecdote. [EW]
The Olympic closing ceremonies line-up has finally been confirmed, and will feature a performance by nouveau boy-band superstars Wand Erection. Rounding out the bill will be the Spice Girls, Queen featuring Brian May, the Pet Shop Boys, and George Michael—or, as they're known collectively among Wand Erection fans, The Who? Oh, and the actual Who will also be there. [E!]
Here's Oprah putting on her wisdom-face and talking about how her interview with Rihanna surprised her:
I thought she was going to be kind of a bad-ass, kind of a hard-edged rocker pop-woman. Nothing could have been farther from the truth...She was thoughtful, she was very emotional, she was vulnerable, she pushes the edge...I was surprised that she's such a good driver.
Hella tantalizing, y'all. If I were the kind of person with enough of my shit together to remember to watch a scheduled TV program, I would totally watch this. [ONTD]
Here's Khloe Kardashian "dishing" on her newborn niece, Penelope Scotland Disick. Dude. IT'S A BABY. What could the "dish" possibly be? By definition it hasn't done shit but shit. (If you don't feel like watching the video, the "dish" is that it sat on a bed.) [E!]Sienna Miller went outside with her new baybay and a stroller that definitely cost more than my car. [People]Rick Springfield, 62, pleads no contest to reckless driving charge. [E!]Apparently our nation is such a bunch of insensitive dicks that the Little People of America felt the need to release a statement clarifying, "We are PEOPLE, not bowling balls." [TMZ]Maybe I'm just super deep and stuff (prolly), but I just cannot find it in me to get over Ryan Lochte's garbage personality and successfully objectify his body. Dude kills attractiveness itself for like a five-mile radius around his dong. [Radar]Tori Spelling is proud to show off her baby bump. (Now, I say this not in a shamey way but in a genuinely bewildered way—do Tori and Dean have like 75 babies at this point? The woman is never not pregnant. Also, did anyone else watch Tori & Dean: Inn Love? Because that shit won me over for life.) [Extra]"War Robert Pattinson Hochzeitsgast?!?!!?!?" I DON'T KNOW, ARTICLE IN GERMAN FOR NO REASON. YOU TELL ME. [German-E!]Duchess Kate and Prince Harry met a bunch of Olympic medalists and everyone looked kind of underwhelmed. [JustJared]There's something under Kate Hudson's makeup, and it looks like a face!!!!! [Us]"I'm now a legend. I'm also the greatest athlete to live." - Usain Bolt [TMZ]Hey, does anybody know what Stacy Kiebler's favorite snack is? "I make sure to have three meals throughout the day with two snacks in between. I keep snacks on hand to keep my energy up. You can usually find alkaline water, raw nuts and my favorite bite-sized snack, New York Style Mini Bagel Crisps, in my carry-on bag. I keep New York Style Mini Bagel Crisps on hand for whenever I need to curb cravings. They're the perfect snack, since they have 50% less fat and 18% fewer calories than the leading potato chip." [ShowbizSpy]View the original article here
Behold the ultimate pets-chasing-laser-pointers video, complete with house music, dogs, cats and probably some drugs. The beginning is a little creepy, but considering the fact that it's late on a Thursday night (Thursday nights being the most empirically strange nights of the week, according to anecdotal evidence I've gathered throughout my life), a weird video is probably just what you're looking for.
via Buzzfeed
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The only thing wrong with this picture? That we are stuck behind our computer screens and not in this joyful paradise where a kangaroo and lemur can get over their differences to come together and play the most adorable game of chase that any of us have ever seen.
[Reddit]
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When 6-year-old Alana Thompson scored her own reality show on TLC—the network's first and only spinoff of its hit Toddlers & Tiaras—it must've chapped the asses of pageant moms. After all, they've spent so much time, effort, and money turning their children into beautiful, perfectly-trained living dolls, reaching for the kind of stardom that Alana and her family achieved simply by being themselves. Alana's family is to pageants what genderfuck is to gender identity. They fart. They eat cheese puffs for breakfast. They revel in being rednecks. They compare their vulvas to Hardee's biscuits. They weigh themselves on national television. They are riveting.
The brief opening title of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (in the video above) kind of says it all. As the camera pans over the smiling family for a nice portrait, "Mama" audibly farts and everyone fans the stink away.
The Thompsons consist of 17-year-old "Chickadee" (who is pregnant), 15-year-old "Chubs," 12-year-old "Pumpkin," 6-year-old Alana, their dad, 40-year-old "Sugar Bear," and the 32-year-old matriarch "Mama."
Mama is the breakout star. An extreme coupon-er, pageant mom, and soon-to-be grandmother of her teen's baby, she was made for reality TV.
The entire show is basically in subtitles, due to the family's accent.
On the first episode, they bought junk food at an auction, watched Alana in a pageant, and attended "The Redneck Summer Games."
Alana lost the pageant, BTW.
They also talked a lot about farting.
Mama believes that if you fart 12 - 15 times a day, you can lose weight. All of the females in the family weighed themselves and shared the results on television, including teenager Chubs. It's another indication of their extreme comfort with themselves.
To help Alana feel better about losing the pageant, they decided to get her a pet pig. She named him "Glitzy."
Glitzy is gay, according to Alana.
Glitzy is gay because "you can't tell a pig what to do."
If you haven't been convinced about the merits of this show yet, let me leave you with this: Mama's explanation of how a vagina looks like a split open biscuit from Hardee's.
View the original article here
