Boudoir Photography Is the Wedding Industry’s Answer to Internet Porn [I Thee Dread]

The latest trend in wedding photography is — even though it should continue to be zombie picnics — boudoir photoraphy, and it threatens to embarrass a whole generation of middle-age adults tasked one day with sorting through their recently deceased parents' secret box of stuff nobody in the family ever knew about, a box that contains dad's winning fantasy football roster, an unfinished novel about a Jewish vampire who falls in love with a Mormon werewolf, and a flipbook of mom in various stages of undress and pleasant drunkeness.

According to The Daily, boudoir photography has become popular in recent years with brides hoping to give their fellas a reason not to look at internet porn. At least, that's how Dallas-based photographer Lynn Michelle (whose boudoir packages start at $1,000) explains the burgeoning boudoir business. "A lot of women do boudoir because they're afraid their fiancés are looking at porn," explains Michelle, "and they'd rather them be looking at her."

It's like an arms race with internet porn! Michelle is currently doing between 60 and 80 shoots per year, and says her client list ranges from military brides, divorcées celebrating a second marriage, and middle-aged women who are exceedingly pleased with the results of successful plastic surgery. Another photographer named Carlie Rose says that she gets a lot of "preachers' wives," who bring "in blindfolds and thinking they're the dirtiest things ever." Then, of course, there are the women merrily engaged in a bout of paper-trail infidelity who order two boudoir books — one for their husbands, and another for their boyfriends.

Some women get more undressed than others —photographs range from "tasteful" lingerie shots to pornier pictures. Some brides wear the authentic sports jerseys their fiancés overspent on by buying through their favorite team's official website, while other brides wear clothes indicating that they know and appreciate their fiancés' hobbies, clothes like motorcycle jackets and, for one Boston woman, waders (because her husband like fishing and a hook-in-mouth shoot would have just been too macabre).

A New Jersey photographer named Tony Yang, who likes to play Britney Spears to help his clients relax, says he hates the words "classy" and "tasteful" because he's an artist and refuses to be constrained by modest adjectives. Yang encourages brides not to hold back, and so offers wine for them to sip during their shoots, which sounds like the hilarious set up for a fiancé's sudden and unexpected appearance. Misunderstandings ensue and, before you know it, we have the blocking device we need for a satisfying romantic comedy.

Here comes the bride, all dressed in...very little [The Daily]

Image via Anna Mironova/Shutterstock.

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Brad and Angelina's Secret Wedding Is Probs Not a Wedding [Video]

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are having a big, expensive party at their French chateau this weekend and everyone is speculating they're going to get married even though they said it's being thrown in honor of Brad's parents Bill and Jane. "There's a real buzz around the estate," said their good friend Anonymous Source.

Guests include, um, the Pitts, the guy who made Angelina's $250,000 diamond engagement ring, George Clooney, George Clooney's smirk, and probably Brangelina's six kids unless they have somewhere better to be. [Daily Mail]

Harper Collins has announced that Cameron Diaz is writing a book about health, wellness and lifestyle for young women that's scheduled to be released in 2013. Hmm. I am sensing it will be Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP with 200% more pratfalling. [USA Today]

One month after the death of son Sage, Sylvester Stallone has another tragedy to contend with. The actor's half-sister, Toni Ann Filiti, has been battling Stage 4 lung cancer as well as liver cancer, and took a turn for the worse a few weeks ago. She's currently in critical condition at the UCLA hospital. There's reportedly not much of a chance that she'll make it, but the Stallone family is "praying for a miracle." [Page Six]

The Kardashian/Jenner Horror Boogaloo continues jitterbugging frantically along as it's revealed that Kris Jenner—previously accused of orchestrating the Kim/Ray-J sex tape, actually also had a hand in distribution rather than simply leaking it. She brought it to adult video companies and negotiated a deal with Vivid Entertainment for "somewhere between $250,000 and $500,000." [RumorFix]

Meanwhile, Kris is pissed at Kanye West for titling his ode to Kim "Perfect Bitch," telling him to "get a grip" and that "no woman should be called such a term." Basically the blind leading the blind here. [TVNZ.co.nz]

Joe Simpson and Kris Jenner could sit down and write a bang-up parenting book. The father of Jessica and Ashlee, arguably most famous for being an insane stage dad and talking too much to the press about Jessica Simpson's tits (which, really, is talking about them at all), was pulled over on Ventura Boulevard and then thrown in jail overnight for a DUI. [TMZ]

"Zou Bisou Bizou" it ain't: Mad Men's Jessica Paré joined Jesus and Mary Chain onstage to perform their best-known song "Just Like Honey."

Ne-Yo made it rain on Drake's stripper ex-girlfriend. [TMZ]A lady dropped a lawsuit against Johnny Depp that originally claimed his bodyguards pulled her pants off. [TMZ]Like most of us, Rita Ora considers Beyoncé magical. She hopes someday she can follow Bey's lead: "a baby in one arm and a microphone in the other." [Capital FM]Roseanne Barr's most recent vague presidential-nominee promise is that she's gonna "outlaw bullshit." [The Daily Beast]David Duchovny's gunning for a third X-Files movie, which will totally not help the rumors that he and Gillian Anderson are doing sex together. [Collider]"Christina Aguilera smells like hot dogs, swear to God." [Bossip]Mischa Barton and James Middleton are pals, not Bee-Eff/Gee-Eff. [Telegraph.co.uk]D.L. Hughley, former Chik-fil-a lover, wrote a disappointed letter to the establishment:

You say that gay marriage is a sin, like in Leviticus 19:22. But a preceding verse, Leviticus 17:14, says, "You must not eat the blood of any creature, because the life of every creature is its blood; anyone who eats it must be cut off." You don't cook your chicken in a kosher way. On what grounds are you picking and choosing which edicts to follow?

His postscript reads: "I would have written this on one of your fine napkins, but it was just too painful a reminder of the way we were." [HuffPo]

Jennifer Lopez said she's much more comfortable performing than she is judging American Idol. [NDTV]David Schiwmmer sold his "Mediterranean paradise" for $8.8 million. [Monsters and Critics]Heather Graham will reprise her role as Jade in The Hangover 3. [Variety]Taylor Swift took Conor Kennedy home to meet her parents and they went to dinner and someone Tweeted a picture and I just want her to be happpppyyyyyyyy, gahhh. Daily Mail]Nicole Polizzi wants Pauly Delvecchio in the room when she has her kid, AND SO DO I. [Us Weekly]Rihanna flew five lucky fans out to Barbados for tea. [The Sun]Mother Debbie Rowe approves of the guardianship of MJ's kids being split between Katherine and TJ Jackson. [Toronto Sun]Speaking of which, Michael Jackson believed that his pet chimp Bubbles could tell which of the people around him was using him for his money. [The Sun]Goddammit. Victoria Beckham forgot to tip at a pizza place. GodDAMMIT. [The Sun]Someone got sick on a flight and had to be escorted off the plane, which delayed the arrival of Ryan Reynolds' tongue in Blake Lively's mouth for a few hours. [Page Six]Julie Delpy speaks out about the casting-couch culture in her native France: "I think I broke an ashtray on one director's head." [Page Six]People are being assholes about Naomi Campbell's receding hairline, apparently a result of years of extensions. [NYDN]Saorsie Ronan will play the titular character in Mary Queen of Scots. [Deadline]

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Natalie Portman's Cakeless Vegan Wedding Sounds Lovely [Video]

Here are some spooky through-the-bushes pictures of Nat Port's wedding to Benjamin Human Centipede: Full Sequence, which was vegan and Jewish and French and on the Big Sur coast and sounds nice, although I'm not sure about that dress. They had macarons instead of cake, and guests (including Diane Sawyer, Mike Nichols, Ivanka Trump, Macaulay Culkin and Rashida Jones) went home with packets of wildflower seeds reading "Merci." Aite. [Daily Mail, People]

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.

It is a little-known fact that the rough beast slouching towards Bethlehem to be born to which poet William Butler Yeats refers in his poem "The Second Coming" is Jersey Shore star Pauly Delvecchio, who makes $11 million a year. [NYDN]

After spending three years identified publicly as bisexual, "Grace Kelly" singer Mika as come out as gay and said that it will have an important effect on his upcoming album, Origin of Love: "If you ask me am I gay, I say yeah. Are these songs about my relationship with a man? I say yeah. And it's only through my music that I've found the strength to come to terms with my sexuality beyond the context of just my lyrics. This is my real life." [Daily Mail]

After having alienated the British people thanks to a dig about Prince William's hair, The Beebs, he of the infamous Voice So High That It Sounds Like a Ringtone™, has now pissed off (of all people) the Native Americans First Nations people of Canada with an excerpted quote from the Rolling Stone interview last month:

I'm actually part Indian. I think Inuit or something? I'm enough percent that in Canada, I can get free gas.

However, Beeb0 is not "enough percent Indian" for that to slide past the Congress of Aboriginal Peoples, who said they beliebed that:

These kinds of remarks are another example of what Aboriginal peoples in Canada struggle with every day. It promotes the misconception that we are somehow getting a free ride. This simply is not the case and we are concerned that many people may believe what he said.

The group then admitted that he was "a young man and unaware of the facts" and didn't think he should be beaten up by the public over these comments, even offering to help him trace his native roots.

[The Hollywood Gossip]

Also, DO YOU WANT TO BE JUSTIN BIEBER'S BACKUP DANCER LET US PRACTICE TOGETHER I LEARNED HOW TO DO THE CUPID SHUFFLE AT A WEDDING RECENTLY. [MTV News]

At Roseanne Barr's Comedy Central roast, Jane Lynch had a message for Chik-fil-A.

Kim Kardashian Tweeted a bikini picture. [Instagram]Rob Kardashian is heading to law school. [Radar]Lady Gaga celebrated her one-year anniversary with Taylor Kinney, oysters and caviar. Sounds fucking AWFUL. [Page Six]Oh: and here they are skinny-dipping. [Daily Mail]Ice-T and Coco ("in a revealing bathing suit from her own line, Licious") at Foxwoods! Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours. [Page Six]Here is a very important picture of Taylor Swift's cat, kind of hilariously named Meredith, watching the Olympics. [People]"Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson were planning to have a baby before Sandersgate 2012!!" chirped someone who is probably a liar. [FemaleFirst.co.uk]Chris Martin's kids give him critical opinions of Coldplay songs: "Yes, this hook-y, mid-tempo, sentimental jam is a total departure for you, and why the fuck did you name me Apple?" [Capital FM]There's an arrest warrant out for Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband Ojani Noa, so like, if you see him... [Entertainment Tonight]Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby has been pushed back a year. [USA Today]Paris Hilton lay on a beach in Corsica with a dude who looks just like all the other dudes she's dated. [Daily Mail]Pamela Anderson will not be having any sexual intercourse during her stint on Dancing With The Stars. That adds up to 0.00 intercourses. [News.com.au]President Obama's favorite part of The Dark Knight Rises was when Anne Hathaway. End of sentence. [Sugarscape]Brad Pitt got Maddox a motorbike for his eleventh birthday. [The Sun]Miley Cyrus went short and blonde. [People]Kelly Rowland wants you to know that no, Destiny's Child will not fucking reunite, thanks. [Express]Katy Perry wants to get more acting experience. Dating John Mayer will be great for that because once it ends she's gonna want to act like it never happened. [Timeslive.co.za]This just in: Composer, conductor and EGOT winner Marvin Hamlisch has died. [The Wrap]

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Black Couple Forced to Change Wedding Venue Thanks to Some Racist Churchgoers [Racism]

After setting a date and printing invitations for their July 21 wedding at the predominately white First Baptist Church in Crystal Springs, Mississippi, Charles and Te'Andrea Wilson from nearby Jackson had what was probably a pretty awkward conversation with Pastor Stan Weatherford, who told the couple that some members of the congregation objected to their getting married in the church. In an effort to ensure that the Wilsons' wedding day wasn't ruined by a few racist ruiners, Weatherford performed the ceremony at another church.

"I didn't want to have a controversy within the church," Weatherford told local WLBT, "and I didn't want a controversy to affect the wedding of Charles and Te'Andrea. I wanted to make sure their wedding day was a special day." According to the Clarion-Ledger, the Wilsons would have been the first black couple to be married in the First Baptist Church's 150-year history, which would have been a really cool thing to boast about to grandkids, but who needs that kind of controversy on an already super-stressful day?

Churchgoer Casey Kitchens was pretty embarrassed by the fact that some members of the congregation don't realize that it's now 2012 and this whole segregation thing is getting to be, quite frankly, a little tacky. "This is a small, small group of people who made a terrible decision," said Kitchens. "I'm just ashamed right now that my church would do that. I can't fathom why. How unfair. How unjust. It's just wrong."

For his part, Charles Wilson thinks someone ought to have stood up to the few recalcitrant bigots at the First Baptist Church, and though he understands that Weatherford was caught in a tough situation, he thinks that the pastor missed a good opportunity to, you know, do whatever it is pastors do when people aren't behaving the way their religion explicitly tells them to behave.

Predominately white baptist church in Mississippi closes door to black couple's wedding [Clarion-Ledger]

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