Married Olympian Couples Are Competitively Adorable [Olympics]

Even though National Olympic Committees don't keep track of how many of the 10,000 athletes in London are married, according to the Wall Street Journal, there are at least six couples at this year's Olympics that are currently engaged in an unofficial "who's more in love" competition. Married Olympic couples would seem, at first, to offer really good kindling for warming your heart, but it turns out that people who compete at an insanely high level are actually insanely competitive. Just take Australia's Clayton and Lucinda Fredericks, who, as equestrians, had the opportunity to compete against each other at the Beijing games back in 2008. In the heat of competition, explains Clayton, marriage vows fade to but an inaudible murmur under the clippity-clop of hooves:

For the week of the Olympics, it's more important for me to have a good relationship with your horse than your wife. That's the one that's going to win you the medals.

Anything for medals, I guess? No worries — even though Clayton finished seventh and Lucinda finished twenty-sixth, the couple took home silver medals in the team event and so didn't have to arm wrestle to determine ultimate number-one champion before they parted ways at Olympic Village before lights-out (Australia, unlike some other countries, maintains a strictly-segregated dorm).

Hyper-competitive couples aren't a new phenomenon, though. At Helsinki in 1952, everyone's favorite married Olympians were track and fielders Emil Zatopek and Dana Zatopkova. They gave press conferences together and everything, but when Zatopek tried to siphon a little credit for his wife's gold medal by explaining that his own win had no doubt "inspired" her, Zatopkova took a moment to make her husband look like an asshole in front of everyone by responding, "Oh you inspired me, did you? OK, go inspire some other girl and see if she throws a javelin 50 meters."

Marriage must be a little tougher when everything — making pancakes, watching TV, showering — has the potential to rapidly devolve into a bloodthirsty competition. Especially considering the fact that everyone wins in a pancake contest anyway, so trying to determine a single winner is an absurd exercise.

Marriage Shapes Up as Tough Event [WSJ]

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Zack Morris Gets Married Again to Some Woman Who’s Still Not Kelly Kapowski [Dirt Bag]

Mark-Paul Gosselaar, who will most likely remain best-known for his fine work on the post-modern high school comedy Saved By the Bell, as well as for that time in Weeds when he had really nasty Showtime sex with Mary-Louise Parker, married a woman who wasn't named Kelly Kapowski at a winery in California. Gosselaar proposed to advertising exec. Catriona McGinn one year ago, a mere three months after divorcing Lisa Ann Russell, and apparently played a significant role in planning the wedding because that's the sort of thing you'd expect from Zack Morris. Always scheming, that one. [People, E!]

Jimmy Kimmel suggested that maybe Adam Carolla didn't mean it when he said that women aren't as funny as men. Said Kimmel, "I think Adam says a lot of things he doesn't mean." So you see? It was all a big misunderstanding and we just shouldn't listen to Adam Carolla anymore. [Black Book, The Wrap]A U-Haul was spotted outside of the crumbling love palace Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson built together. [TMZ]According to Leopold Ross, Liberty Ross' brother, Rupert Sanders and Kristen Stewart had been carrying on for months and, as a result, Leopold will be making a knuckle sandwich just for his brother-in-law. [Daily Mail]Paul Raef, the guy who car-chased Justin Bieber, received a restraining order in 2010 for extreme paparazzing, i.e. punching another paparazzo in the face, while trying to get a picture of Heidi Klum. [TMZ]Parisians got angry at Madonna the other night not because her concert was bad, but because she was wantonly using a swastika at an earlier concert and the French people have a particular sensitivity to swastikas because of something that happened to their country a few decades ago. [TMZ]Now you can bid for a chance to sit at the same booth in Vitello's Restaurant that Robert Blake sat at just before his wife was shot outside. Three cheers for capitalism! [TMZ]Norway has told Snoop Dogg that he can't play in the fjords for two whole years. [E!]Jason Bateman tweeted a picture of his pretend son arriving in his pretend home. [Twitter]Blake Shelton tweeted about fake running over a turtle accidentally/on purpose and NPR blogger Barbara King got extremely circle of lifey on him. [Buzzfeed]Boxer David Hayne really admires the way Tom Hardy bulked up for The Dark Knight Rises (no homo) and would like to fight the actor in his underpants. [The Sun]Paris Hilton's younger brother Conrad got caught with some pot and had to spend the weekend in the pokey, which is old-timey slang for jail. [TMZ]According to Mischa Barton, paparazzi can go to extreme lengths for weird pictures: "Thanks a lot to the photographer who decided to let the air out odour tires and watch us pump them back up." [Twitter]O.J. Simpson won't be giving Oprah an interview, so everyone quit not asking O.J. about it. [NYDN]Producers are having trouble finding someone to play with Kelly Ripa in her morning show sandbox. [NYDN]

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