Showing posts with label Lochtes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lochtes. Show all posts

Friday, 10 August 2012

Here's Ryan Lochte's Piss-Happy Acting Debut [Ryan Lochte]

Aug 9, 2012 4:00 PM  

Here's Ryan Lochte's Piss-Happy Acting DebutRyan Lochte has been threatening to try acting for several days now, and he's followed through in record time (we should have expected that one of the fastest men in the water would quickly swim to an indelible part of the pop culture psyche). Here's his first installment of LochTV, a Funny or Die video series that will involve him looking at the camera, talking in a completely monotone voice, and occasionally getting dimples on half of his face, which will cause your ladyparts to twitch approvingly.

But sitting around and making pee jokes isn't all Lochte has up his sleeve — er, tucked into his hot pink paisley printed Speedo. He's been spotted in costume, with famous people filming other comedy bits as well. While this is the first we'll see Lochte onscreen, it won't be the last. For better or for worse.

[Funny or Die]


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Thursday, 9 August 2012

Nobody Bought Ryan Lochte's Issue of Vogue [Video]

Nobody Bought Ryan Lochte's Issue of VogueWe know that ladymag readership is down, seriously badly down, for the first six months of 2012. But now we know who the culprits are: the celebrities whose well-lit, smiling, Photoshop-enhanced faces have failed to open wallets in supermarket checkout aisles all across the land. Poorly selling issues of note include Vogue's Olympics-themed June edition with Lochte, Serena Williams, and Hope Solo. It was the magazine's weakest of the year so far, moving just 202,000 newsstand copies — which might have been just Ryan Lochte's mom buying the same issue over and over again. That total is 33% below its six-month average.

If athletes do badly on the covers of fashion magazines, Kardashians might do even worse: Kim Kardashian was a loser for Allure in March (which sold 7% below average) and all three sisters failed to make an impression on the cover of Glamour in January (which sold 11% below average).

Who did well? Adele, for one, handily beat Vogue's sales average. So did Kate Moss for both W and Harper's Bazaar. And Glamour's topless Lauren Conrad cover sold a whopping 18% above the title's average. [WWD]

Nobody Bought Ryan Lochte's Issue of VogueGwen Stefani is on the cover of September's Harper's Bazaar. At 375 pages, the issue is the magazine's biggest ever. Stefani says she started wearing red lipstick in high school in the '80s: "I remember sitting in my ghetto, beat-up Honda Prelude and putting on that lipstick in the rearview mirror and being like, 'Uh-huh, I like that. That's the shit right there.' I never stopped after that." [HB] Nobody Bought Ryan Lochte's Issue of VogueBritish designer Louise Grey is launching a capsule collection for Topshop on August 23. "The dresses and tops are all totally covered in sequins and I made them to go dancing in," says Grey. [Telegraph] Nobody Bought Ryan Lochte's Issue of Vogue Cute Circuit — that's the company that made Katy Perry's light-up 2010 Met Ball dress, you will recall — wants to bring to market a t-shirt with an embedded LED screen. So that you can display, um, your favorite Tweets. Or whatever other shit you've downloaded from the Internet. Light-up and interactive clothing is not new, but it is getting more sophisticated. Would you wear this? [Atlantic] Nobody Bought Ryan Lochte's Issue of VogueAndré J — the man, the beard, the legend — Tweeted a photo of himself and Carine Roitfeld on a rooftop. Hopefully this means he and Roitfeld are working together on something related to the former Vogue Paris editor's forthcoming print magazine, CR Fashion Book. Roitfeld famously had Andre J and Carolyn Murphy shot by Bruce Weber for the cover of Vogue Paris in 2005. [@AndreJWorldWide]
Meanwhile, Roitfeld confirmed that the magazine's Web site will be hosted on Tumblr. [Fashionista] Nobody Bought Ryan Lochte's Issue of VogueHere is Lana Del Ray, a gold bar, and a kitty cat in the pages of Vogue Italia. [VI] Female French politicians are fed up with commentary on their clothing, makeup, and shoes — and even cat-calling from colleagues:

Wearing a blue-and-white flowered dress by U.K. mail-order clothing company Boden (a shirt dress named Riviera priced on the French version of the Web site at 119 euros, or $146.57 at current exchange rates, currently discounted at 59.50 euros, or $73.29 dollars), Cécile Duflot, minister of territorial equality and housing, had to endure whistles from male deputies last month as she walked down steps to stand in front of the National Assembly. [...] The high heels worn by Yamina Benguigui, a politician, and the critical length of the dress worn by [minister for small- and medium-sized enterprises, innovation and the digital economy, Fleur] Pellerin (which went above her knees when she walked the steps of the Elysée Palace in late June), also created a buzz. In July, one top journalist asked Pellerin if she got the job because she is a beautiful woman from a minority background. The question drew ire on Twitter.

"It is very complicated to be a woman in politics. If you dress up, everyone makes a comment. If you don't, it is even worse," lamented Amor Ouni, whose responsibilities include advising [first lady Valérie] Trierweiler on her wardrobe. "‘Normal chic' is what I try to achieve in terms of looks for her."

Sigh. [WWD]

Meanwhile, the purse carried by North Korean first ladyRi Sol-Ju — wife of notorious dictator Kim Jong-Un — has drawn criticism for somewhat less sexist reasons: because she's been carrying a Miss Dior handbag that costs thousands of dollars even as North Koreans are facing famine and food shortages due to the inefficiencies of their centrally planned economy. The bag is a symbol of the privileges and wealth enjoyed by the small cadre of party officials who run the country. [Telegraph]Lady Gaga really wants to unveil her September Vogue cover. "Don't worry I've been txting Wintour all morning trying to get that cover queens," she Tweeted. "Next im sending bagels to VOGUE (complex carbohydrate war)." [@LadyGaga]LOVE magazine is launching an iPad app with artist Yayoi Kusama. Users can reportedly use the app to play with polka dots, like the ones that populate Kusama's work. [WWD]Bar Refaeli says she'd try JDate "maybe if I'm still single when I'm 40." [P6]Talbots, which has been struggling, now has a new C.E.O., C.O.O., and company president. [WWD]With an annual income of $72 million, Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady came second in Forbes' list of the top-earning celebrity couples of the year. They were beaten — though only by $6 million — by Beyoncé and Jay-Z. [Forbes]Macy's says its second quarter saw healthy growth. Net income rose to $279 million from $241 million during the same period one year ago. Same-store sales were up 3%, to a whopping $6.12 billion. [WWD]Tod's SpA net income rose year-on-year by 13.7%, to $96.5 million, during the first six months of 2012. Sales were strongest at Tod's (which was up 19.4%) but they dropped at Hogan (down 12%) and Fay (down 8.1%). [WWD]Profits during the quarter just ended at Ralph Lauren were up by 5.1%, to $193.4 million. [WWD]

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Saturday, 4 August 2012

Ryan Lochte's Speedo Has an Interesting Effect on Kate Middleton [Snap Judgment]

Aug 4, 2012 1:30 PM  

Ryan Lochte's Speedo Has an Interesting Effect on Kate MiddletonCatherine, Duchess of Cambridge and Prince William, Duke of Cambridge watch the swimming finals session on Day 7 of the London 2012 Olympic Games at the Aquatics Centre on August 3, 2012 in London, England. (Photo by Lars Baron/Getty Images)


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Dr. Ruth Rips Ryan Lochte's Mom a New One Over One-Night Stand Comments [Dirt Bag]

Dr. Ruth Rips Ryan Lochte's Mom a New One Over One-Night Stand CommentsDr. Ruth Westheimer, famous sexpert and pint-sized Twitter savant, could not belieeeeeeve it when Ryan Lochte's mom Ike said in an interview that he only had time to "go out on one-night stands" with women in an interview. So, as one is wont to do in trying times like these, Dr. Ruth immediately released some indignant ectoplasm into the Twittersphere:

Once she got it out of her system, she quickly moved on to other pressing matters:

Later, of course, Ike clarified that while she said "one night stands" she meant "meeting Betty at the Soda Shoppe when he also made plans to meet Veronica, which leads to many zany (and yet non-penetrative) hijinks." Jeah! [World of Wonder]

Also, the elder Lochtes are reportedly in debt and might be facing foreclosure. [TMZ]

Khloe Kardashian has not read Fifty Shades Of Grey: "What everyone tells me is that if you're missing out on a sex life, if you read the book, it makes you want to have a sex life. And I have a phenomenal sex life, so I'm not dying to read written porn. I would rather watch porn than read a different version of porn. But, I don't know what it's about." [Celebuzz]And Kate Beckinsale says that the concept of Fifty Shades sounds "exhausting." As she walks away, this red-carpet interviewer calls out "Your name is being thrown around [for Ana]!" and she responds "Oh, really?" Which surprised me too, since Ana is supposed to be 22 and Beckinsale is 35. [Hollyscoop]FUUUU, here is Octomom's topless album cover for her single "Sexy Party." [TMZ]Tearful Eva Longoria was comforted by Wilmer Valderrama after speaking at Lupe Ontiveros' funeral. :( [Daily Mail]Jenna Jameson is voting for Mitt Romney because "when you're rich, you want a Republican in office." Coooooool. [LA Times]Mark DeBarge got six months in the clink. [TMZ]A producer doesn't hate the player, but hates The Game: he is suing the rapper for over $100,000 for ripping off a beat. [TMZ]One Direction candy heart Ed Sheeran saw Harry Styles without pants or underwear on and says that he is "packing heat." That means that his PENIS is pretty BIG, you GUYS. [Sugarscape]Danny Boyle's dating Rosario Dawson. Who knew? [Daily Mail]For whatever reason, the Kristen Stewart/Rupert Sanders shots have been reprinted by the Daily Mail and the Google Reader headline reads: "The pictures that drove a steak (sic) through Robert Pattinson's heart." Whoops. [Daily Mail]Robert Pattinson may take a part in a movie shooting in Australia to get away from his heartbreak. And to elude having a fillet of sole shoved into his ribcage. [The Sun]The ultimate question here: where does Nikki Reed stand on Stewpatzgate!? When she retweeted the phrase "To be trusted is a greater compliment to be loved," it looked like she was on Team Patz. Then she deleted it when Twilight fans made said assumption, but thanked them for their "passion." [Gather Celebs]Former Bachelorette contestant Kasey Kahl got arrested for huffing paint thinner and getting into a bar fight. Fun times are fun! [E! Online]Drake is annoyed by the rumors that he grew up wealthy in Forest Hills, a rich area of Toronto, but says that people can think whatever they want. [NOW Magazine]Rielle Hunter: still a person, wants to be on Celebrity Apprentice. [Radar OnlineI... okay, here is Lady Gaga as a centaur with trousers on. [The Sun]

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Friday, 3 August 2012

Ryan Lochte and Ryan Lochte's Mom Issue Urgent Clarification About Ryan Lochte's Penis [Video]

Ryan Lochte and Ryan Lochte's Mom Issue Urgent Clarification About Ryan Lochte's PenisEarlier this week, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte's mother told the press that her preening, winking Adonis of a son had no time for relationships because he was always "on the go." "He only goes on one night stands," she said. And it's all America's vaginas could talk about for the next 24 hours. But now, both Lochte and his mother are backpedaling — she didn't mean like one night fuck stands, she meant one night date stands.

In a USA Today piece that reads like it was written by a publicist, both Lochte and his mother Ike clarify that obviously "one night stands" means only going out on a date with someone once and then never calling them again. It has nothing to do with having hot slippery hairless swimmer sex after a few drinks at a bar in Gainesville, Florida frequented by 20-year-old University of Florida sophomores teetering in platform heels that will lead to long-term foot damage. She said,

How innocent is that? All I wanted to say is that he's so sensitive about not wanting to hurt a girl dating, so he just goes and dates and takes out a girl for maybe one or two dates and doesn't have a relationship because he doesn't have (time) and it's not fair to the women. I thought that was so sensitive, but then they turned it around. I'm not used to this. … What kind of mom is going to say that (about her son having one-night stands)? Especially being a mom and having two daughters.

No. Dates. Ryan Lochte is up to his ears in traditional dinner/movie evenings.

But Ryan is undaunted by this media's reaction to his mother's statements. As a self-proclaimed rock star (and hall of fame worthy sexy d-bag), he's used to it ("He's had enough experience with the media to know that these things happen," writes USA Today his publicist.)

Besides, if the Lochte family shares a Bad at Interviews gene, it's no wonder she confused "one night stand" with "traditional, chaste malt sharing." Witness her son lighting up the screen:

Ryan Lochte and Ryan Lochte's Mom Issue Urgent Clarification About Ryan Lochte's Penis
Video via Buzzfeed SHIFT

[USAT]


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Monday, 30 July 2012

A 16-Year-Old Chinese Woman Outpaces Ryan Lochte’s Twinkling Blue Eyes [Olympics]

A 16-Year-Old Chinese Woman Outpaces Ryan Lochteâ??s Twinkling Blue EyesBy now, you've probably heard the crazy, impossible, holy-shit-the-Olympics-really-are-cool news that 16-year-old Chinese swimmer Ye Shiwen obliterated the women's 400-meter Individual Medley and, for 50 whole meters, even outpaced steely-eyed swimmer and recent gold medalist Ryan Lochte. The only problem with this story is that, according to rampant (and as yet unfounded) speculation, Shiwen might have been doping. How else, say critics in the swimming world, could she have possibly come from out of nowhere to set a world record?

Shiwen came from behind to beat U.S. swimmer Elizabeth Beisel, erasing Australian Stephanie Rice's world record win with a time of 4:28:43. (Since my approach to swimming is to regard every moment in the water as an emergency, this is especially impressive to me.) The really crazy part of Shiwen's swim, however, came during her last 100 meters (the freestyle portion of the program) — she went virtually stroke-for-stroke with Lochte, actually beating his time of 29.10 seconds in the final 50 meters with a time of 28.93.

That feat of unprecedented athleticism made Shiwen the hot topic of conversation among members of the U.S. Men's team. "We were all talking about that at dinner last night," Lochte said, no doubt winking mischievously as he tasted his gold medal for chocolate. "It was pretty impressive. And it was a female. She's fast. If she was there with me, I don't know, she might have beat me."

On Sunday morning, however, the glow of Shiwen's win had faded and new buzz about her performance was making the media rounds — Shiwen, who wasn't that big a force in international competition before this race, must be doping. Despite never having won an event in a long-distance course, she peaked in the 400 IM (an exceedingly difficult race) on the biggest stage in the world, and Shiwen had never won a medal in international competition before nabbing gold in the 200 IM a year ago. Moreover, China has had a history of doping scandals, most notably two embarrassing episodes in the 80s and 90s. Then again, everyone was doping back that (everyone except Rocky Balboa), and there's no evidence other than her conspicuously amazing performance to suggest that Shiwen was doping. For now, maybe we can stifle our cynicism long enough to enjoy the first really shocking narrative of the Olympics.

Controversy surrounds world-record 400 IM of China's 16-year-old Ye Shiwen [Yahoo! Sports]


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Sunday, 29 July 2012

Let's All Take a Minute to Celebrate Ryan Lochte's Gold Medal Before He Eats It [Thighlights]

Jul 29, 2012 12:30 PM   Yesterday at the Olympics, Ryan Lochte won gold in the 400 meter individual medley, a race, I'm told by people who swam in high school, that's really hard. Hard like Ryan Lochte's body or his steely blue eyes. Help our newest American hero celebrate his win by telling him how good he looks in each and every one of these pictures.

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