It's Official: Katy Perry Is Having Naked Sleepovers at John Mayer's House [Dirt Bag]

Am I the last person to find this out? Oh my god, it's perfect. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god, it's perfect!!! OH MY GOD. It's perfect!!!!! Apparently Katy Perry and John Mayer have been spotted hanging out together and now they're having "sleepovers" at his house (LIKE INTERCOURSE ONES).

"She has been having sleepovers there," says a source. "It is very private and they've been sneaking in and out. It has been going on for a while."

This is the most perfect celebrity couple since Captain Cragen and that monkey.

They probably only have eyes for each other, but should these rumored lovebirds want some companionship, Mayer's house is just down the road from E!'s own Kris and Bruce Jenner's Hidden Hills home.

Ugh. Way to make it weird, E!. [E!]

Michael Phelps's new girlfriend is a total fame-seeker, say tabloids! She has been photographed with other celebrities, including Zach Braff, and sometimes tells people she's a model and attends "VIP events"!!! But FIE, says Michael Phelps's girlfriend's dad, Wayne! She is already hella successful and famous and doesn't need shit from the likes of a Phelps OR a Braff! Let grown-ups live their fucking lives, says me! (Nobody listens to me.) [Extra] [ONTD]

After learning that Gabby Douglas is a big Vampire Diaries fan, Nina Dobrev 'n' company made a video wishing the USA team good luck in the finals.

Nina Dobrev, a former artistic and rhythmic gymnast, was behind the group effort. "Forget sleep. It's all about the Olympics right now. I'm obsessed. Like, it's actually a problem. They're starting to tell me I'm looking tired on set, and it's because I'm up until, like, two in the morning watching the Olympics and going to work at 5 a.m."

CUTE. [I'm behind deadline, so write your own Degrassi inside joke here. Something about being a single mom. I don't know. Follow your heart.] [EW]

Marvin Hamlisch, the Oscar-, Grammy-, Tony-, and Pulitzer-winning composer behind a billion songs you don't know you know but you know, has died at age 68. Among other things, Hamlisch wrote the score to A Chorus Line and The Sting and composed "Nobody Does It Better" for Carly Simon. He will be missed by all kinds of people. [NYTimes]

Jake Gyllenhaal is tired. Please stop making Jake Gyllenhaal exercise!!! [Us]Joss Whedon says he'll return for the Avengers sequel AND wants to develop a Marvel superhero show for ABC. [ThinkProgress]Rupert Sanders (the guy who put it in K-Stew) and his wife, who apparently have never heard of buildings, had a much-photographed reunion on the street outside a deli. [TMZ]Non-pregnant non-child non-current-space-shuttle-operator Kendra Wilkinson got drunk. Quick, everybody care for no reason!!!!! [Radar]Chloe Moretz is in Toronto working on the remake of Carrie. Wait, they're filming it in Toronto? Degrassi crossover, pleeeeeeeeeease!!! (The role of prom will be played by "Whack-Your-Brain" and the role of fake blood will be played by yellow paint and the role of Rick Murray will be played by Chloe Moretz and the role of getting your period will be played by Emma's khakis. IT WRITES ITSELF.) [JustJared]Little Britain's Matt Lucas has accepted a role on Community. In related news, I died. [Vulture]Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis went to Bali and touched butts. [Extra]Bar Refaeli says she might consider going on JDate if she's still single at 40. [Vulture]Here's Daniel Day Lewis dressed as Abraham Lincoln. [E!]Artie from Glee might host the X-Factor. Here, I got you these smelling salts. [E!]Ryan Lochte celebrated his birthday at Planet Hollywood. Because nothing says "I didn't die this year" like drinking mudslides near Ray Liotta's pants from Operation Dumbo Drop (the exact pants!). [ONTD]

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Katy Perry Is Not A Role Model [Rag Trade]

Despite telling Elle's September issue, "I can't be the candy queen forever," Katy Perry appears pretty thoroughly in character on the cover. Pink — check. Glitter — check. Unnaturally colored hair — check. And don't call the pop star a role model: "I'm not going to be everything to everyone. I can't tell a person when it's time for them to have sex. Or if they should have a cigarette." Perry also says, "I'm a woman who likes to be courted — strongly." [Elle]

Karlie Kloss has two September covers to her name: Vogue UK and Vogue Japan. [FGR] Natalia Vodianova is, for the third season in a row, the face of Stella McCartney for fall. [WWD] Fashion has its own French-language GIF blog called "Heavens, My Press Office." It's written by a Parisian PR rep. You'll recognize the format from such forums as Ann Friedman's widely hailed Editor Real Talk blog — work-related irritation juxtaposed with apposite GIF — only this one has captions like, "When someone says 'Garance Doré, front row' at the show seating meeting" (that's the GIF at left). [Ciel, Mon Press Office] Kanye West is reportedly returning for a third season of showing his women's wear collection in Paris this September. Relatedly, Kim Kardashian Instagrammed a photo of herself wearing a pair of boots from the rapper's last runway show. (Which was, like the first, critically panned.) [Fashionista] Disgraced designer John Galliano was spotted having lunch in Los Angeles, sparking rumors that he may plan to move to the city with his partner Alexis Roche. [THR]Victoria Beckham is reading 50 Shades of Grey with her mum:

"I'm halfway through the second one. I even bought my mum the book! But every time she tries to engage in conversation about it, I kind of dodge the subject. I don't really want to talk to my mother about S&M."

[Glamour]

H&M's homewares line — which is already available in Europe and the U.K. — is coming to the U.S. in 2013. [WWD]Diane von Furstenberg is now grandmother to four children. Her son Alex and his fiancé, Ali Kay, welcomed a baby boy named Leon (after Diane's father) in Los Angeles. [P6]MAC won a $90 million judgment in a New York court against Chinese-based counterfeiters behind such Web sites as themaccosmetics.com, mac2wholesale.com, maccosmeticworld.com, wholesalemacmakeup.com and cheapmakeuppick.com. Actually collecting the damages awarded in lawsuits such as this is virtually impossible — it's more about shutting down the actual domains. (But counterfeiters tend to just open new ones.) [WWD]Coco Rocha and her husband James Conran finally sold their Gramercy apartment, which had been on the market since 2010. The price was $1.51 million, just under the $1.52 million they paid for it in a very different real-estate market in 2008. [NYObs]London's second ever men's fashion week is scheduled for next January — and it partially overlaps with the more established Italian event Pitti Uomo. Pitti's organizers are not pleased. This is like a low-stakes, men's wear replay of the international contretemps over this September's show dates in New York, London, Milan, and Paris. That practically took a special diplomatic mission to resolve. [WWD]Teenaged heirs to the Brant/Seymour fortune Harry Brant and Peter Brant II were disappointed they couldn't roll up to the Met ball in a gold-plated Rolls Royce. "I had arranged for the baby panther and everything," says Peter. "What could be better than diamonds and exotic baby animals?" Adds his brother, "You're nobody until PETA either loves you or hates you." [VF]Latest news in Daffy's going out of business: it has hired a liquidator and it is said to be deciding whether it will file for Chapter 7 or Chapter 11 bankruptcy. [WWD]Abercrombie & Fitch saw same-store sales fall year-on-year by 10% worldwide during the quarter just ended, leading the share price to fall by 16% and the company to announce that it will slow down its planned European expansion. [WWD]And now, a moment with Liam Gallagher. Liam, you have a clothing line called Pretty Green. What do you think qualifies you to be a designer?

"I haven't got a favourite brand, I haven't got a favourite designer. I like what I like. I spend a lot of money on clothes so I know my s—-. In fact, I probably spend more on clothes than 90 per cent of these fashion people because they get it all for nowt."

[Telegraph]

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Katy Perry Offers Robert Pattinson Refuge In Her Cupcake Décolletage [Dirt Bag]

The plot thickens: pastry-breasted recent divorceé Katy Perry has invited her friend Robert Pattinson, cuckold, to "take a break" with her. A source says, "Katy has been a rock for ­Rob. She has reassured him she is very much there for him just as he was for her when she split from Russell." Reportedly Kristen Stewart has been begging him to meet up and talk it out in New York, but he wants to take a few months to think about stuff, and Perry is there for him.

Despite rumors to the contrary, sparked lately when Perry was seen reading a tabloid covered by R-Patz, it seems like they're just good friends, particularly because Katy Perry is supposedly newly involved with that used Swiffer Wet Jet pad John Mayer for whatever fucking reason. [Gather Celebs, The Hollywood Gossip]

R-Patz is also seeking out a "man-to-man-chat" with Rupert Sanders, the married director with whom K-Stew had her dalliance, to find out the details. He should just ask Rupert Sanders' dad Michael, who weighed in on the whole thing today:

From what I gather nothing really happened and it is all a lot of fuss about nothing. I should imagine it was something very brief. She is a very pretty girl and when you work that closely with someone for so long, sometimes things happen. He is very honorable, hardworking and (a) dedicated father and filmmaker.

You heard it here first! The 22-year-old girl who cheated on her boyfriend is a slag everyone hates, and the 41-year-old married father with whom she cheated is "honorable, hard-working and dedicated." Shame on her for being so pretty that she strips grown men of their autonomy and ability to make their own choices! [NYDN]

French cops rolled up to Rihanna's party boat, the S.S. Help Me, to chide her about keeping it down but ended up getting on board and chilling with her. [Daily Mail]Oprah's production company Harpo responds to outcries of "cultural ignorance" following her India special: "The intention of the program was to explore the beautiful culture and spirit of the country. We enjoyed the time we spent there and were touched by the people who so generously shared their stories for the show." [Kulture Kritic]Last night TMZ asked Katie Holmes how her dinner was, and she was like "Great, thank you" and everyone FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT. [TMZAshton Kutcher bought Mila Kunis a $5,000 phone case with their initials spelled out in diamonds and rubies and if you rub it a genie comes out and says "You maybe should have given this money to charity? But what do I know, I'm just a genie LOL." [Monsters and Critics]New wife Gigglemirth Thomas be damned: Alec Baldwin's stalker Genevieve Sabourin is baaaack and slapped with new charges. [NY Post]Buy Mel Gibson's Palace of Yelling, going for a cool $33 million. [Radar Online]Randy Jackson says the Estate's appointment of T.J. Jackson as guardian is "based on lies." [ABC News]And Debbie Rowe, mother of MJ's older kids, is concerned. [NYDN]Dane Cook has apologized for his Colorado Dark Knight Rises massacre joke: "It was a bad judgment call." [Hollywood.com]18-year-old Conrad Hilton (little brother of Paris and Nicky has been arrested for weed, violating his probation after a previous arrest for weed. [TMZ]Meanwhile, Paris Hilton is "prowling the French Riviera for a new man" she can consume whole with her vagina a la Neil Gaiman's American Gods. [Page Six]Hilary Swank dropped her lawsuit against an electronics company who was using images of her without permission. [TMZ]Here's Becks speedboating the Olympic torch along the Thames, which is THE RIVER OF DEATH, INCIDENTALLY. [Daily Mail]Rachel Weisz didn't fall for husband Daniel Craggy right out of the gate. [Herald Sun]The Sleepless in Seattle musical switches creative hands, is still happening. [LA Times]Sandra Bullock turns 48 today! Here she is shooting her new movie The Heat. [Daily Mail]Elton John can't wait to give Jay-Z "the biggest hug" for publicly supporting gay marriage (and I can't wait to have the best Snap Judgment photo ever). [ComplexAlanis Morissette's new album Havoc and Bright Lights. Can I borrow those angel wings? Cool. [HitFix]Candace Bushnell apparently got Carried Away and has been screwing her ex-manager out of Sex and The City profits. [NY Post]I love this: Jodie Foster and Gloria Estefan "chatted into the wee hours" after seeing Sleep No More. Page Six]Justin Theroux was spotted at a bar +1 blonde woman and -1 Jennifer Aniston. [Page Six]Jesse Jackson Jr. has been hospitalized for depression. [NYDN]

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